She's Your Size. Could You Set Aside Anything for Her?

We stand here with exactly what we have.

Hello Beautifuls,

Welcome back to everyone who’s been here before and welcome to everyone who is new here this week. ❤️ I am grateful for your presence and humbled by your generosity and love. Thank you, thank you.

Like every other social platform, Hello Beautifuls will get put in front of more people if you ❤️ this post (or share or restack it). I’d be grateful if you do.

And much gratitude goes out to the newest paid subscribers. Every single time someone upgrades to paid, it thrills me—and not just a little bit.

Maybe not everything, but some things, really were more simple when I was four and playing with my Dad’s calculator.

My Loves,

This week is a lot.

I couldn’t even get it together to write to you yesterday. I wrote most of this piece and then just ran out of steam. If you’re feeling anything like that, you’re not alone. We are in this together. ❤️

I've been intentional about staying off the news and focusing on my own little world.

And even that feels tumultuous right now. Friends getting sick, losing their homes in the fires, managing big childhood trauma, dogs getting old and needing their human to decide it's time to end their life, the list goes on and on.

I feel pulled to help people in LA and yet was reminded by a friend that people need help right here too: there are so many who need help and cannot, will not get it. And there are so many in a position to help who will not give it.

None of this is new. Sometimes, I just feel more exposed to the suffering, it gets so vast and deep, I feel like there is nothing I can do to change things.

And then that friend said, "Hey, I know you're giving clothes to the people in LA, but I know someone right here, a teenager who only has a couple of pieces of clothing and who starts school next week. She's your size. Could you set aside anything for her?" The relief. I cried and said yes, of course. Of course.

A friend lost their house in the fires, and their daughter started a Go Fund Me campaign. The account quickly surpassed their minimum donation request. Rather than keep the thousands and thousands of extra dollars that came in, they are giving away everything over their goal to others in LA who need help.

A friend couldn't decide if it was time to end her dog's life. Another friend helped her know when, and then called the vet, got everyone together to say goodbye, sat with the grieving woman and let her cry.

A friend asked for support in making a scary medical decision. A group of us offered to help. One said she'd go with her to the appointment, one texted a surgeon friend for advice, one offered to research options.

One human asked for help and a small prayer for relief was answered.

When things are at a very low point (I won't say their worst, because I know it can, and probably will, get a lot worse in the next few years), the only thing that matters, as Gregory Boyle says, is belonging to each other.

If there's anything at all I know, it is the truth of this. When we feel scared and terrible and devastated, loving other people is a balm.

There is an open space behind my house with a ⅓ mile loop of a sidewalk and a small percolation pond. Turtles and fish live there and some mornings, a great blue heron likes to fish in the water for its breakfast. I like to go out early, especially on the few days it is cold here, and walk in the quiet and stillness that winter brings.

I was on the sidewalk on Monday and a large man was headed towards me with his small dog in the lead. He wore a camouflage jacket and a dirty orange baseball cap, loose jeans and boots. We said a quiet hello as we passed. I thought to myself, "He voted for all the things I don't believe in." And then, as if another voice were in my head, the thought came, "But he is still a good human, he just believes in different things."

I wondered how this could be true. And then I thought about how we often lead with our fears. How most humans who are violent are that way because they are afraid, or hurt, or angry, or confused, or all of the above.

I am not helping if I wish our country were less full of hate and divisiveness, if I have decided that everyone who thinks differently than me, everyone who voted differently from me, is unilaterally wrong and inherently bad. I am only adding to the problem.

There is always a choice. In every moment, I get to choose whether to allow myself to see goodness in others, to believe they are worthy of love, to expand my heart, or whether I refuse, out of my own fear and anger.

I wish so deeply that things were different right now in this country and around the world. It is an ache I cannot soothe. But, my loves, things are not different.

We stand here with exactly what we have: the ability, however small, to love and help others, because that is how we win. Not against someone else, but for ourselves.

Sending you all love and little corners of peace and relief wherever you can find them.

xoxo

j

PS. I, for one, am watching New Girl. It's silly and sweet and was made at the cusp of the internet and smartphones, and it is refreshingly free of much of today's darkness.

Also, have a listen to one of my all-time favorite songs, "Rise," by Herb Alpert. This song makes me think of long summer evenings, golden hills, wide stretches of warm sand and good times with friends. May we all still bask in these things.

xoxo,

j

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