I love this one, Jocelyn. (I think I say that about all of your posts 😉). The comparison trap is so prevalent in our heads and so self defeating. It’s hard, really hard to be satisfied in our present when we can wander around in “ifs”. But when I pause, really lean into who I am and what is going on now, somehow I can be at peace with that. So much here to meditate upon. Thank you, friend.
Thanks, Friend. It can be so so challenging for me not to compare and like you said wander (and wander and wander) around in the ifs. But I find the same thing you do, that when I can lean into a deeper meaning of who I am and just get my mind to be still, there is always peace and the other stuff doesn't matter. _So_ much to meditate on. 🙏🎈
After university, I lived in a ashram my role there was yoga teacher, and Massage Therapist. I became very good at it, and when it was time to leave due to the nasty behavior of the guru tortoise his wife, who I have the honor of giving massages to. I left, was not a single penny to my name. My friend in California sent me a one-way ticket.
To make a long story short, in a New Year’s time I had a massage business
I got cut off sorry. Anyways my business was in Silicon Valley so I actually had clients from all the different companies that you speak about. We grew rapidly soon. I had private clients in there the states or mansions upon the hills somehow Butler, etc., but what I discovered is those with the most External wealth or so unhappy and stressed. They worked really hard or or very bored. This was the case across-the-board, but it was evident.
Anyway, it taught me a lot about value. Thank you for this beautiful essay.
Ooooh wow. What an experience. Just wow. Thank you for sharing that. What an incredible story. I've been there, in the leaving place, with nothing but the knowing that you must. I love that you had a business up and running within the year. And how wonderful to have friends like that.
And then the follow up about where your business was. That is reaffirming, that people with extreme wealth weren't often happy or fulfilled - not that I wish that on anyone. Yet, I have had similar experiences with those I know with lots of money. There seems to be a cost to all that monetary wealth - no pun intended.
It helps me remember that I chose a very different life and I can't image having gotten a corporate job and stayed on that track. I would have just withered away. I really think my primary lesson in this life it to recognize that I don't need to be wealthy to be fulfilled. Thank you so much for sharing this! Are you still in the Bay Area? ❤️
Hi Andrea! Congratulations on starting your Substack. Not knowing what to write is such a real thing. For me, it's often because there are so many things I want to write about, or I don't know where to start, or it all seems overwhelming. Thanks for seeing me and for being here. xoxox
Jocelyn, this is exactly what I needed to read today. How glad I am that you found the crack in the door and pushed it wide open. Aargh, comparison. Very very hard to resist falling into but now I'm onto that mind game (Kelly Flanagan's use of "games" is very apt to describe the traps we fall into when we compare ourselves to others). I work all the time at an abundance rather than a scarcity mindset; it's a journey and when I'm sunk into comparison, I look up and remind myself, "You're okay, honey. You're going to be just fine, just as you are." Especially the missed opportunities to realize my visions for myself as a writer earlier in my life, all the "if-onlys," ah, I hear you there. And then, the gift of your letter from love on value! It's a beauty. I copied it and will print it and reread as needed, like a prescription from Love, your very tender wise inner voice, and so I thank you, my sweet friend, for sharing your love light with the rest of us.
Hi Amy! I love hearing that. It's the primary reason I write and share, because for so many hard years, I would read something that was exactly what I needed. I was always so grateful to that writer for putting their words out into the world, I wanted to give back in the same way.
Yes! practicing abundance mindset when we're sunk in comparison - ugh it can be so hard, but also, it's like that crack in the door, right? Even just one kind sentence, I love this, "You're okay, honey.,,Just as you are." can be enough to bring us up and out of that hole, can't it?
Oh, that made me all teary, Amy. I printed this one out too. It's powerful and It just feels so wonderful that those words will help you too. You are so so so welcome sweet friend. Thank you for the incredible kind words. xoxoxo so much love and light to you. ❤️❤️❤️
This is beautiful, Jocelyn. I love how you acknowledge value as not a ‘real’ thing because it is already everything, inherent in every living thing. Let’s take back our value from the capitalist structures that limit who and what is valuable, and just be valuable, as we already and always are!
And Canada would love to have you. Take good care this week! Watching and hoping for the best outcome. 💜
Thank you, Tracy.🩷 and so much yes. I have more thoughts this week on that, coming tomorrow in my post around how I want to respond to either outcome of the election. I’m hoping for the best and you take good care of yourself too, love.
P.S. on a totally different note, you remind me of a woman I knew in college. She was in my writing seminars and she was just lovely. You have a similar kind and light energy about you. ❤️
Thanks for showing up and finding words while we are all in our own mental Canadas. This beautiful post made me think about “ enough,” in all its contexts and meanings. We can hopefully, like you, say we are enough, but the concept of “we have enough “ is such a breath from “ we’ve had enough.” And then “ enough said.” Those hard lines drawn by “ enough” as in “no more” deflect us from the meaning of enough as it is “ ample” or “ plenty.” In our capitalist culture there are no brakes, nothing can ever be enough when there’s more to be had. But the “ be had” is what gives it away— it is not the having, feeling secure because of what we have,it’s the endless pursuit of more- when can we honestly say we know what enough will feel like when and if we get there? What’s to keep us from being had by the next glimmer around the corner instead of seeing what we have as enough? Being a multimillionaire should not be the only way to have security and peace of mind. Big hugs. We’ll middle through this week and beyond together. Thank you for being here.
Our own mental Canadas! Yes! It's a tough week and my husband pointed out that Canada is cold.
Oh and this! We have enough is so close to we've had enough. yes yes yes.
And what you say about the endless pursuit of more brought on my our structure of capitalism (and capitalism led by a patriarchy). I was just thinking about this as I heated my water for tea this morning. I believe I chose this life, these particular lessons for a reason. And so, if that is true, or really even if it's not, I can choose to feel like I have enough. Because it's a feeling, right? Of always wanting something more, something that will make us feel better in some way. So the feeling of having enough is also available to us.
I was also thinking that the reason I, and likely many of us, reach for something shiny on a regular basis, is because we aren't getting the connection we really want. And I wondered, even with all the messaging and constant advertising that we need more to feel good (and be good), I wondered if we doubled down on connecting with people, on seeing and being seen, if we would want less things/possessions/money etc.
Yes, my lovely, wonderful, friend, we will get through this week and beyond together. Connection instead of the next glimmer around the corner. or maybe connection AS the next glimmer.
I married a professor so our life ebbs and flows with that schedule and paycheck. We have time together during the work week when he is working from home and in summer. Not pots of money, but time. Since we married in our thirties, a second marriage for me after being a corporate wife of sorts, that time and connection with my husband and other professor/ academic friends is gold. We have rich conversation about ideas, books, and of course the world beyond. We are not taking fancy summer vacations and our cars are not new. But I have learned to buy quality and not quantity.
It took a long time for me to unlearn the buy-something-new instinct. I spent tons of money after my divorce enjoying the high of buying something beautiful I chose because I had never been able to do that. I still find myself wanting to buy stuff when the world feels out of control. Going to thrift a new purse and scratch that itch today and hopefully not break the budget. And swim in words here and in my head. Thanks for this space to myself and be together right now. Gold, indeed.💜
I'm crying now a little, Emily. I feel so seen and you're speaking to my experience so deeply. I love knowing this about your life, now and then.
And what you've said about time. I've been thinking a lot about that too. How so many of the people I know with very high incomes have so much less time-for themselves, with their partners and kids, for hobbies or doing nothing. Time is so precious and yet we as a culture/society are so busy.
Also the idea of quality over quantity and connection as more satisfying than things. I love how you have such deep conversations with a tight group of people.
There really is a high to buying beautiful things. I love how you said that. I wonder how much of that is that humans like pretty shiny things and how much is learned. Because I love sitting by a lake more than a pretty dress, but when I'm without access to the lake, I find myself wanting to shop more. Which I think goes back to connection and being fulfilled and also connected with ourselves on a deep level.
And this, "wanting to buy stuff when the world feels out of control." yes yes yes.
Do come back and tell me if you found a purse! I love love love thrifting, though the finds are not what they used to be, at least here in Austin.
Thank you for being here in this space, Emily. It's so sweet to be here with you. 💛
I love this one, Jocelyn. (I think I say that about all of your posts 😉). The comparison trap is so prevalent in our heads and so self defeating. It’s hard, really hard to be satisfied in our present when we can wander around in “ifs”. But when I pause, really lean into who I am and what is going on now, somehow I can be at peace with that. So much here to meditate upon. Thank you, friend.
Thanks, Friend. It can be so so challenging for me not to compare and like you said wander (and wander and wander) around in the ifs. But I find the same thing you do, that when I can lean into a deeper meaning of who I am and just get my mind to be still, there is always peace and the other stuff doesn't matter. _So_ much to meditate on. 🙏🎈
This is a beautiful post
After university, I lived in a ashram my role there was yoga teacher, and Massage Therapist. I became very good at it, and when it was time to leave due to the nasty behavior of the guru tortoise his wife, who I have the honor of giving massages to. I left, was not a single penny to my name. My friend in California sent me a one-way ticket.
To make a long story short, in a New Year’s time I had a massage business
I got cut off sorry. Anyways my business was in Silicon Valley so I actually had clients from all the different companies that you speak about. We grew rapidly soon. I had private clients in there the states or mansions upon the hills somehow Butler, etc., but what I discovered is those with the most External wealth or so unhappy and stressed. They worked really hard or or very bored. This was the case across-the-board, but it was evident.
Anyway, it taught me a lot about value. Thank you for this beautiful essay.
Ooooh wow. What an experience. Just wow. Thank you for sharing that. What an incredible story. I've been there, in the leaving place, with nothing but the knowing that you must. I love that you had a business up and running within the year. And how wonderful to have friends like that.
And then the follow up about where your business was. That is reaffirming, that people with extreme wealth weren't often happy or fulfilled - not that I wish that on anyone. Yet, I have had similar experiences with those I know with lots of money. There seems to be a cost to all that monetary wealth - no pun intended.
It helps me remember that I chose a very different life and I can't image having gotten a corporate job and stayed on that track. I would have just withered away. I really think my primary lesson in this life it to recognize that I don't need to be wealthy to be fulfilled. Thank you so much for sharing this! Are you still in the Bay Area? ❤️
I have just begun my own Substack and since I am in major transactions I am not sure what to write either. I get it. And I love your post
Hi Andrea! Congratulations on starting your Substack. Not knowing what to write is such a real thing. For me, it's often because there are so many things I want to write about, or I don't know where to start, or it all seems overwhelming. Thanks for seeing me and for being here. xoxox
Jocelyn, this is exactly what I needed to read today. How glad I am that you found the crack in the door and pushed it wide open. Aargh, comparison. Very very hard to resist falling into but now I'm onto that mind game (Kelly Flanagan's use of "games" is very apt to describe the traps we fall into when we compare ourselves to others). I work all the time at an abundance rather than a scarcity mindset; it's a journey and when I'm sunk into comparison, I look up and remind myself, "You're okay, honey. You're going to be just fine, just as you are." Especially the missed opportunities to realize my visions for myself as a writer earlier in my life, all the "if-onlys," ah, I hear you there. And then, the gift of your letter from love on value! It's a beauty. I copied it and will print it and reread as needed, like a prescription from Love, your very tender wise inner voice, and so I thank you, my sweet friend, for sharing your love light with the rest of us.
Hi Amy! I love hearing that. It's the primary reason I write and share, because for so many hard years, I would read something that was exactly what I needed. I was always so grateful to that writer for putting their words out into the world, I wanted to give back in the same way.
Yes! practicing abundance mindset when we're sunk in comparison - ugh it can be so hard, but also, it's like that crack in the door, right? Even just one kind sentence, I love this, "You're okay, honey.,,Just as you are." can be enough to bring us up and out of that hole, can't it?
Oh, that made me all teary, Amy. I printed this one out too. It's powerful and It just feels so wonderful that those words will help you too. You are so so so welcome sweet friend. Thank you for the incredible kind words. xoxoxo so much love and light to you. ❤️❤️❤️
We are very much aligned, Jocelyn, in so many ways. It's so comforting to know we're not alone. Here's to allowing ourselves all the abundance!
This is beautiful, Jocelyn. I love how you acknowledge value as not a ‘real’ thing because it is already everything, inherent in every living thing. Let’s take back our value from the capitalist structures that limit who and what is valuable, and just be valuable, as we already and always are!
And Canada would love to have you. Take good care this week! Watching and hoping for the best outcome. 💜
Thank you, Tracy.🩷 and so much yes. I have more thoughts this week on that, coming tomorrow in my post around how I want to respond to either outcome of the election. I’m hoping for the best and you take good care of yourself too, love.
P.S. on a totally different note, you remind me of a woman I knew in college. She was in my writing seminars and she was just lovely. You have a similar kind and light energy about you. ❤️
You are so lovely, Jocelyn! So happy to be writing with you!
Me too, Tracy, me too! xoxoo
“Your value is absolute…it is undiminishable, undimmable, untouchable.” Wow I really needed to hear that today. Thank you, Love.
Yay! It's such a powerful message and I'm so glad it resonated.
Thanks for showing up and finding words while we are all in our own mental Canadas. This beautiful post made me think about “ enough,” in all its contexts and meanings. We can hopefully, like you, say we are enough, but the concept of “we have enough “ is such a breath from “ we’ve had enough.” And then “ enough said.” Those hard lines drawn by “ enough” as in “no more” deflect us from the meaning of enough as it is “ ample” or “ plenty.” In our capitalist culture there are no brakes, nothing can ever be enough when there’s more to be had. But the “ be had” is what gives it away— it is not the having, feeling secure because of what we have,it’s the endless pursuit of more- when can we honestly say we know what enough will feel like when and if we get there? What’s to keep us from being had by the next glimmer around the corner instead of seeing what we have as enough? Being a multimillionaire should not be the only way to have security and peace of mind. Big hugs. We’ll middle through this week and beyond together. Thank you for being here.
Our own mental Canadas! Yes! It's a tough week and my husband pointed out that Canada is cold.
Oh and this! We have enough is so close to we've had enough. yes yes yes.
And what you say about the endless pursuit of more brought on my our structure of capitalism (and capitalism led by a patriarchy). I was just thinking about this as I heated my water for tea this morning. I believe I chose this life, these particular lessons for a reason. And so, if that is true, or really even if it's not, I can choose to feel like I have enough. Because it's a feeling, right? Of always wanting something more, something that will make us feel better in some way. So the feeling of having enough is also available to us.
I was also thinking that the reason I, and likely many of us, reach for something shiny on a regular basis, is because we aren't getting the connection we really want. And I wondered, even with all the messaging and constant advertising that we need more to feel good (and be good), I wondered if we doubled down on connecting with people, on seeing and being seen, if we would want less things/possessions/money etc.
Yes, my lovely, wonderful, friend, we will get through this week and beyond together. Connection instead of the next glimmer around the corner. or maybe connection AS the next glimmer.
Thank YOU for being here.
xoxoxo
I married a professor so our life ebbs and flows with that schedule and paycheck. We have time together during the work week when he is working from home and in summer. Not pots of money, but time. Since we married in our thirties, a second marriage for me after being a corporate wife of sorts, that time and connection with my husband and other professor/ academic friends is gold. We have rich conversation about ideas, books, and of course the world beyond. We are not taking fancy summer vacations and our cars are not new. But I have learned to buy quality and not quantity.
It took a long time for me to unlearn the buy-something-new instinct. I spent tons of money after my divorce enjoying the high of buying something beautiful I chose because I had never been able to do that. I still find myself wanting to buy stuff when the world feels out of control. Going to thrift a new purse and scratch that itch today and hopefully not break the budget. And swim in words here and in my head. Thanks for this space to myself and be together right now. Gold, indeed.💜
I'm crying now a little, Emily. I feel so seen and you're speaking to my experience so deeply. I love knowing this about your life, now and then.
And what you've said about time. I've been thinking a lot about that too. How so many of the people I know with very high incomes have so much less time-for themselves, with their partners and kids, for hobbies or doing nothing. Time is so precious and yet we as a culture/society are so busy.
Also the idea of quality over quantity and connection as more satisfying than things. I love how you have such deep conversations with a tight group of people.
There really is a high to buying beautiful things. I love how you said that. I wonder how much of that is that humans like pretty shiny things and how much is learned. Because I love sitting by a lake more than a pretty dress, but when I'm without access to the lake, I find myself wanting to shop more. Which I think goes back to connection and being fulfilled and also connected with ourselves on a deep level.
And this, "wanting to buy stuff when the world feels out of control." yes yes yes.
Do come back and tell me if you found a purse! I love love love thrifting, though the finds are not what they used to be, at least here in Austin.
Thank you for being here in this space, Emily. It's so sweet to be here with you. 💛
💜💜💜💜