Hi Priscilla, I'm so glad you found it here. And I'm so glad you commented today, because it reminded me to go back and read it again. I talk to my mom often, and usually it's about topical, day to day stuff. But his weekend, I told her that I wanted to go back and hug her 40-45 year old self and how she must have been scared and tired and brave and hurt to leave my dad and go back to the workforce and take care of me. All the things. And we had this beautiful conversation about how she knows she made choices that weren't the best and how I can now see that she was just a human trying to be loved and enough. It was really something.
It was. Truly. We talked about that time in our lives for a bit and it was real and human and she was so appreciative of being seen. Something that's so hard to do when we're teenagers. But I can do it now, and I still have some time left with her here on this Earth and I am determined to heal some of those wounds we both carry. ❤️
There is big love in this space and I’m here for it, tears and all. It is so true that no matter our age we are still our child selves, still needing all the care, acceptance and love we always deserved. I was guilty of treating myself, in adulthood, the same way caregivers treated me during my childhood. I thought it was perfectly fine; it can’t be abuse if it’s *me* neglecting *myself*! Then I was asked if I would treat anyone else the way I had been treating myself… whoa, that was a huge punch to the gut and the beginning of a long journey to reparenting myself. One of the therapists helping me has a favorite quote that I think you’ll like: “Whatever the question, love is the answer.” Thank you for creating this space.
Yes! I love that quote. Thank you so much for sharing. And ohmygosh, that question about treating ourselves with neglect. I've been there too. And this, " I thought it was perfectly fine; it can’t be abuse if it’s *me* neglecting *myself*!" Right? Except, nope. Still abuse. My heart feels happy that you have therapists who are helping you. Getting away from repeating the patterns we grew up with can be so painful and scary and just bewildering, right? It's all so new to be good to ourselves.
And this just made me feel so good, "So I’m a little teary now, and that’s fine. ❤️
There is big love in this space and I’m here for it, tears and all. " Tears are 100% welcome and accepted here. I didn't feel safe for so so long in my life. Anywhere. And it's so important to me to create safe spaces for myself and now for others, so you saying that just feels like a dream come true.
Also - your SS name, I got it right away - they were my favorite band in college. I had all their albums while Lane was still here with us. That voice.
I'm so so glad you're here and thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can't wait to see you here again in these love-filled comments. ❤️❤️❤️
Ahhhh! You get all of it! Even my SS name! Yes, that voice of his, so pure and beautiful. I miss it so much. Thank you for your kind response full of acceptance.
Beautiful Letter from Love, Jocelyn! I had a love/hate relationship with my mother and really appreciated your words: "What do you have to lose in letting your heart be so big it can encompass everything, all the hurt all the pain all the fear all the abuse all the not-enoughness all the abandonment, all the hateful words and cruel inattentions? What if you heart was big enough to hold all of that and love - recklessly, with abandon, with the grace of rain on parched skin. Because my love, their skin is as parched as yours is, maybe even more." Thank you!
Oh, Lisa, that's so hard. That mother relationship. Ooooof. But I'm so happy that the words resonate. It's still often hard for me to be around both of my parents, and yet I do love them, so much. And I'm working on separating the deep, divine love I have for them beyond their parenting skills (or lack thereof) with the human love and the child who wanted and needed them to be different than they were. I'm working at being able to hold both things. Like maybe I can let the child who still wants something to be different in our relationship to want what she wants, and at the same time, love my parents just as they are. Love them they way I want to be loved by them. Which actually has very little to do with them and everything to do with me. So much easier to write than to do! ❤️❤️❤️
This is gorgeous. Truly. "...we are never really grown up, that we get bigger and more experienced in this human life, but we are still the children we were." This fact was the first thing my therapist pointed out to me and the first thing I had to accept in order to be about healing. Love is universal, it is without boundary, and it is the most important reason for life. There is so much loving wisdom here, Jocelyn, and yes, it made me teary, too. Thank you for this wonderful moment, friend.
It's so true. Those children still want and need the same things they did when our bodies were little. I'm so glad you had a therapist who shared that with you. ❤️ It's fundamental to healing isn't it?
It's not always easy to practice, but my soul just knows that love isn't all the things we conflate it with - all the things we think we need to get back when we love someone.
I remember when I realized that I could still love my ex-husband even if he hated me, even if we never spoke again. It was this MOMENT, when I realized the love was mine to feel, and all these things were going on with him and he didn't like me and just well, divorce, and yet I still cared for him the same way I always had. That was my first experience realizing that love is just love, it isn't dependent on anything.
I am a proud Canadian and, because of that, I like to boast about the Canadian researcher, Suzanne Simard, who discovered that trees communicate with one another! I thought about this reading about your love of both trees and writing and how it ties beautifully in with this piece.
As always, your essay pulls firmly on the heartstrings as it calls us to more. In my next meditation I will be opening up to loving my parents as they deserve to be loved. I appreciate the opportunity for healing that you have just given us💗
Oh wow Donna, what a beautiful way to put those words from Love into practice! You've inspired me to do the same. You are so so welcome. I feel honored to hear how the words resonated with you and how you're taking them into your life.
And yay proud Canadian! I'd be proud if I were Canadian too! ;) Do you have work/books by Suzanne to recommend? I know trees communicate, that's just something I know in my bones, and I know vaguely about her research (didn't know it was her!) but I'd love to learn more.
I missed this in LoL this week, so glad you posted it here, so I could marinate in this:
"Love is infinite my loves, love is not based in boundaries, or needing to be safe, or keeping score or woundedness. You can have all these things and still love with your whole heart. It isn't an either or situation you're in. It's both, it's all. It always was, always is and always will be. There is no single answer to feeling better as a human, except to love more."
I feel like this is the leading edge of growth for myself and so many. Thank you for articulating it so beautifully, Jocelyn!
Yes, Kelly, me too! The leading edge of growth. I love how you put that. It's much easier to write that from Love, than to live it all day long. But my heart knows it's true. Like all things being human, it's never just one way, or all one thing. grief can hold hands with joy, rage can sit next to forgiveness. I think as humans we try to make things more black and white, because our brains think that's easier, but our hearts know differently and I know know know in my heart and bones that love is always the answer and it can't be compromised. It's impermeable, unbreakable, nothing can dilute it. That's the faith for me, and the practice and the cutting edge. To try and live from that knowing.
Well said. Artificially resolving complexity calms the mind, but it's sort of a white-knuckled calm. Holding complexity calms the heart, but it's a spacious, holy sort of calm.
Yes. This is our big learning, isn’t it! Love in spite of everything. The northern Minnesota jack pines I lived under and among, which grew where more lofty pines were harvested, needed fire to open their cones. We too may have needed the fires that burned us in order to crack us open to a more inclusive and expansive love. ❤️
Ooooh yes Deb, fires that "crack us open to a more inclusive and expansive love". yes yes yes! I love the analogy. And yes, this is for sure the biggest human learning. "Love in spite of everything." And maybe even love because of everything. What if we were here without love? I can't even imagine. I truly think it's why we're here. To love and learn/remember how to love wholly. Side note, I always want to spell wholly like this: wholely. And I had to go spell check it. ;) xoxoxo
😂 I don’t think love can ever be repetitive! And I think a word was missing here, I tried to guess but thought I’d just ask. ❤️”I can back whenever you comment on” what did you mean? Xo
Thank you so much Daniela, for sharing this. I totally get that! I try to practice them as two different things and sometimes it is HARD - sometimes, it's not possible, but that's where the edge is, yes? It's a lot like Sharon Salzberg's loving kindness meditations and practice of sending out love into the world in a widening circle that at some point includes people I really don't like, don't agree with, who have hurt me, etc. What I know in my bones that is so much harder to practice in life, is that love doesn't require me to like or understand or agree. Love is it's own thing. I was talking to my husband the other day about this and I said something like, "We get confused by thinking, as humans, that love needs something, that we require something from those we love, some sort of feedback or reciprocity. Love, pure love, not the kind with expectations attached, encompasses everyone and everything." It's a whole practice that feels really easy when I'm loving on trees or dogs or people who are kind to me. It's a whole different kind of practice when I'm trying to love someone who's hurt me or others. Whew! that was a lot of words, but this is a subject I'm really probing into and trying to understand better myself, so thank you so much for sharing your experience and your perspective! ❤️❤️❤️
Oh I love this too, Daniela. That is so true, "where we need also to be discerning of everything that feels toxic or not in alignment with love." So much yes! I think the thing I'm trying to get at is a love that is something more and different than human love. I so appreciate your idea of dropping into my body, I do get in my head a lot. xoxoxo
This is the letter that moved me so! Just beautiful. ❤️👏
Hi Priscilla, I'm so glad you found it here. And I'm so glad you commented today, because it reminded me to go back and read it again. I talk to my mom often, and usually it's about topical, day to day stuff. But his weekend, I told her that I wanted to go back and hug her 40-45 year old self and how she must have been scared and tired and brave and hurt to leave my dad and go back to the workforce and take care of me. All the things. And we had this beautiful conversation about how she knows she made choices that weren't the best and how I can now see that she was just a human trying to be loved and enough. It was really something.
That sounds so beautiful.
It was. Truly. We talked about that time in our lives for a bit and it was real and human and she was so appreciative of being seen. Something that's so hard to do when we're teenagers. But I can do it now, and I still have some time left with her here on this Earth and I am determined to heal some of those wounds we both carry. ❤️
This post resonates with love! XO
Yay! I really does, doesn't it. xoxoxo
So I’m a little teary now, and that’s fine. ❤️
There is big love in this space and I’m here for it, tears and all. It is so true that no matter our age we are still our child selves, still needing all the care, acceptance and love we always deserved. I was guilty of treating myself, in adulthood, the same way caregivers treated me during my childhood. I thought it was perfectly fine; it can’t be abuse if it’s *me* neglecting *myself*! Then I was asked if I would treat anyone else the way I had been treating myself… whoa, that was a huge punch to the gut and the beginning of a long journey to reparenting myself. One of the therapists helping me has a favorite quote that I think you’ll like: “Whatever the question, love is the answer.” Thank you for creating this space.
Yes! I love that quote. Thank you so much for sharing. And ohmygosh, that question about treating ourselves with neglect. I've been there too. And this, " I thought it was perfectly fine; it can’t be abuse if it’s *me* neglecting *myself*!" Right? Except, nope. Still abuse. My heart feels happy that you have therapists who are helping you. Getting away from repeating the patterns we grew up with can be so painful and scary and just bewildering, right? It's all so new to be good to ourselves.
And this just made me feel so good, "So I’m a little teary now, and that’s fine. ❤️
There is big love in this space and I’m here for it, tears and all. " Tears are 100% welcome and accepted here. I didn't feel safe for so so long in my life. Anywhere. And it's so important to me to create safe spaces for myself and now for others, so you saying that just feels like a dream come true.
Also - your SS name, I got it right away - they were my favorite band in college. I had all their albums while Lane was still here with us. That voice.
I'm so so glad you're here and thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can't wait to see you here again in these love-filled comments. ❤️❤️❤️
Ahhhh! You get all of it! Even my SS name! Yes, that voice of his, so pure and beautiful. I miss it so much. Thank you for your kind response full of acceptance.
Beautiful Letter from Love, Jocelyn! I had a love/hate relationship with my mother and really appreciated your words: "What do you have to lose in letting your heart be so big it can encompass everything, all the hurt all the pain all the fear all the abuse all the not-enoughness all the abandonment, all the hateful words and cruel inattentions? What if you heart was big enough to hold all of that and love - recklessly, with abandon, with the grace of rain on parched skin. Because my love, their skin is as parched as yours is, maybe even more." Thank you!
Oh, Lisa, that's so hard. That mother relationship. Ooooof. But I'm so happy that the words resonate. It's still often hard for me to be around both of my parents, and yet I do love them, so much. And I'm working on separating the deep, divine love I have for them beyond their parenting skills (or lack thereof) with the human love and the child who wanted and needed them to be different than they were. I'm working at being able to hold both things. Like maybe I can let the child who still wants something to be different in our relationship to want what she wants, and at the same time, love my parents just as they are. Love them they way I want to be loved by them. Which actually has very little to do with them and everything to do with me. So much easier to write than to do! ❤️❤️❤️
This is gorgeous. Truly. "...we are never really grown up, that we get bigger and more experienced in this human life, but we are still the children we were." This fact was the first thing my therapist pointed out to me and the first thing I had to accept in order to be about healing. Love is universal, it is without boundary, and it is the most important reason for life. There is so much loving wisdom here, Jocelyn, and yes, it made me teary, too. Thank you for this wonderful moment, friend.
It's so true. Those children still want and need the same things they did when our bodies were little. I'm so glad you had a therapist who shared that with you. ❤️ It's fundamental to healing isn't it?
It's not always easy to practice, but my soul just knows that love isn't all the things we conflate it with - all the things we think we need to get back when we love someone.
I remember when I realized that I could still love my ex-husband even if he hated me, even if we never spoke again. It was this MOMENT, when I realized the love was mine to feel, and all these things were going on with him and he didn't like me and just well, divorce, and yet I still cared for him the same way I always had. That was my first experience realizing that love is just love, it isn't dependent on anything.
thank you right back, friend. 🎈✨🙏
Very true reflection, but so difficult with those we find not easy to love.
I am a proud Canadian and, because of that, I like to boast about the Canadian researcher, Suzanne Simard, who discovered that trees communicate with one another! I thought about this reading about your love of both trees and writing and how it ties beautifully in with this piece.
As always, your essay pulls firmly on the heartstrings as it calls us to more. In my next meditation I will be opening up to loving my parents as they deserve to be loved. I appreciate the opportunity for healing that you have just given us💗
Oh wow Donna, what a beautiful way to put those words from Love into practice! You've inspired me to do the same. You are so so welcome. I feel honored to hear how the words resonated with you and how you're taking them into your life.
And yay proud Canadian! I'd be proud if I were Canadian too! ;) Do you have work/books by Suzanne to recommend? I know trees communicate, that's just something I know in my bones, and I know vaguely about her research (didn't know it was her!) but I'd love to learn more.
xoxox ❤️✨🙏
I missed this in LoL this week, so glad you posted it here, so I could marinate in this:
"Love is infinite my loves, love is not based in boundaries, or needing to be safe, or keeping score or woundedness. You can have all these things and still love with your whole heart. It isn't an either or situation you're in. It's both, it's all. It always was, always is and always will be. There is no single answer to feeling better as a human, except to love more."
I feel like this is the leading edge of growth for myself and so many. Thank you for articulating it so beautifully, Jocelyn!
Yes, Kelly, me too! The leading edge of growth. I love how you put that. It's much easier to write that from Love, than to live it all day long. But my heart knows it's true. Like all things being human, it's never just one way, or all one thing. grief can hold hands with joy, rage can sit next to forgiveness. I think as humans we try to make things more black and white, because our brains think that's easier, but our hearts know differently and I know know know in my heart and bones that love is always the answer and it can't be compromised. It's impermeable, unbreakable, nothing can dilute it. That's the faith for me, and the practice and the cutting edge. To try and live from that knowing.
Well said. Artificially resolving complexity calms the mind, but it's sort of a white-knuckled calm. Holding complexity calms the heart, but it's a spacious, holy sort of calm.
“Our question is to you, my sweet doll baby, what do you have to lose?” This! Thanks for this lovingly wrapped shard of truth.
Your words are always so gorgeous, Emily, "lovingly wrapped shard of truth." That's just yummy. xoxoxo
Yes. This is our big learning, isn’t it! Love in spite of everything. The northern Minnesota jack pines I lived under and among, which grew where more lofty pines were harvested, needed fire to open their cones. We too may have needed the fires that burned us in order to crack us open to a more inclusive and expansive love. ❤️
Ooooh yes Deb, fires that "crack us open to a more inclusive and expansive love". yes yes yes! I love the analogy. And yes, this is for sure the biggest human learning. "Love in spite of everything." And maybe even love because of everything. What if we were here without love? I can't even imagine. I truly think it's why we're here. To love and learn/remember how to love wholly. Side note, I always want to spell wholly like this: wholely. And I had to go spell check it. ;) xoxoxo
Not to be repetitive, but I LOVE this. Hope to see you on my site. I come back whenever you comment on anything--just so you know! xx ~ Mary
😂 I don’t think love can ever be repetitive! And I think a word was missing here, I tried to guess but thought I’d just ask. ❤️”I can back whenever you comment on” what did you mean? Xo
Fixed. I must be a typo idiot! Do forgive -- and LOVE all caps again!
No idiots here, just humans--and thank you! I LOVE knowing that. It's rather fun to write LOVE in all caps all the time, isn't it? xoxox
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing it ❤️
Thank you so much Daniela, for sharing this. I totally get that! I try to practice them as two different things and sometimes it is HARD - sometimes, it's not possible, but that's where the edge is, yes? It's a lot like Sharon Salzberg's loving kindness meditations and practice of sending out love into the world in a widening circle that at some point includes people I really don't like, don't agree with, who have hurt me, etc. What I know in my bones that is so much harder to practice in life, is that love doesn't require me to like or understand or agree. Love is it's own thing. I was talking to my husband the other day about this and I said something like, "We get confused by thinking, as humans, that love needs something, that we require something from those we love, some sort of feedback or reciprocity. Love, pure love, not the kind with expectations attached, encompasses everyone and everything." It's a whole practice that feels really easy when I'm loving on trees or dogs or people who are kind to me. It's a whole different kind of practice when I'm trying to love someone who's hurt me or others. Whew! that was a lot of words, but this is a subject I'm really probing into and trying to understand better myself, so thank you so much for sharing your experience and your perspective! ❤️❤️❤️
Oh I love this too, Daniela. That is so true, "where we need also to be discerning of everything that feels toxic or not in alignment with love." So much yes! I think the thing I'm trying to get at is a love that is something more and different than human love. I so appreciate your idea of dropping into my body, I do get in my head a lot. xoxoxo