Oh Jocelyn, this is next level writing! I know we both study with Jeannine and I can see so many excellent tools at play in this essay. It is very good.
My favourite line, of many, is “I’m done humaning, I hope this is my last time around.” The way you just dropped that in there, amidst story, and questioning, and a call to search for the good made me stop getting ready for work so I could fully absorb every word you wrote. I wish I could write the awesome comment this piece deserves but…work.
I love that you can see Jeannine's influence here! None of this was specifically from any one exercise, but Jeannine gets into my bones, as I think she does with many of us.
Oh wow, that line. I wasn't sure about that one. It was so concrete. And it's wonderful to hear that it worked for you! And wow! You stopped getting ready to read. That is such a huge, wonderful compliment. And I understand the pull of wanting to write more and having to go to work. I am grateful you took a minute. Thank you thank you. xoxo
Thank you Jocelyn for your writings and Summertime. A song my mom sang to me, I sang to my daughter and she sings to her daughter. We are all connected. 💞
I too am often so so tired of humaning that I wish I weren't here anymore. I feel like I don't want to be anywhere. And then, I walk with my friend and we hold hands and I remember that being human is also so so so sweet and tender. Love you to babe. ❤️
Oooooh, Trevy! Someone else who loves Chris Botti!! And this is one of my all time favorite songs. Thank you for the kind words and letting me know you're out there loving this music too. ❤️🙏
Wow, you opened up my mind's eye and my heart in this beautiful piece, my friend. Absolutely absorbing writing that transported me to that time with you, and Angie.
Thank you sweet friend. How wonderful to hear. I've been floating around that time all day today. This one really stuck with me. Thanks for seeing me. xoxoxo
Like Donna said, there's so much to appreciate in the writing here. For me, somehow, it was the paragraph about painting with watercolors that really got me in the feels. I remember being a girl who liked to draw and paint, and how the power of my body (something to be wielded but also protected and managed) was part of what drove her away. Such an understated, poignant essay.
Oh this one made my heart hurt a little, I recognize that little girl being driven away by how you so elegantly put it, "how the power of my body (something to be wielded but also protected and managed)" yes yes yes. Thank you so much for saying this, "Such an understated, poignant essay." It's funny how a piece starts and then goes its own direction, isn't it? The car was obviously a container of Jeannine's, but it was maybe the second or third and I was running out of steam but when I came back, all of this other stuff came forward.
I agree. and I meant to say thank you for pointing out the watercolor paragraph. It's so powerful to know what resonated with different readers and I really loved when that little bit came through. xoxox
Oh my goodness. Just. Wow. The way you conjure images and feelings is unmatched. I really don’t know how you do it. I loved the coin analogy. I loved hearing about Angie and sharing hair ties and secrets. Beautifully woven.
oooh thank you! I"m so glad to hear you liked the coin bit. I liked it too but wasn't totally sure it would resonate. and the hair ties and secrets. that part too. Thank you for calling them out!! xoxooxo
Oh thank you, Vanessa! What a lovely way to say that, "weaving words and worlds and bringing it home to what matters." because that's exactly what I try to do! xoxoxo
This summarizes so much of exactly what life is. The yearning, the hope, confusion, fear, trying, regrets, and then, back to hope. I loved this writing.
This was a heartbreaking read. I paused soaking in Angie before beginning to read - her beauty shining from the picture as I wondered ‘why do we think prom photos are hideous because these souls are young, bright, and gorgeous.’ And in that instant, I knew she had died.
I don’t know how, but maybe in my experience the ones that shine so bright, go first.
The kitchen floor scene carried an uncomfortable tension - that edge of pushing limits as we grow, but then wanting to draw the line or change our mind.. suffocating under a pressure that was not of our making.
Beautiful and grounding prayer for the living - moving through the bleak today - thank you.
Ooooh your whole comment gave me chills, Shaista. In the best way. I wondered if some would be able to tell, just from that photo, that Angie had died. There's something there, or not there, a different energy. Thank you for the close read on the kitchen floor scene. It's so strange how that relates to Angie, but somehow it did and I love how you spoke to it, "wanting to draw the line or change our mind.. suffocating under a pressure that was not of our making." The pressure that was not of our making...that really got me. You just saw so clearly what I was drawing with words. Thank you for that. And sending you love through the bleakness. 💖
This resonates because when we're in high school, and just after, although we understand death, from all the funerals we've attended by then, somehow we kind of forget that that includes us and all of our friends, or it sort of feels like some of our friends will just "always be there." And then over the decades, we hear about some of our closest friends from our younger years dying in various ways, and we remember how precious every day is, no matter how happy we may be in the moment, we need to make our own happiness. This is such a timely reminder for us, right now.
Thank you, Joy. Yes, that's exactly it. By high school or college, most of us have had someone in our lives die and yet it is still out there. Our awareness of our own mortality is not yet formed. And maybe that is why Angie has been on my mind lately, that need to remember that even though so many things are truly horrible right now, I am still here. We are all still here and there IS beauty and joy and love, and it's more important than ever to reach out for those things and hold them close.
“I wish I could tell Angie about the things she's missed. About how it doesn't get any better or easier when you get older, how there is no such thing as finally feeling like everything is all lined up. About how there are moments that are so beautiful they break your heart and how there are days so bleak they break your soul, but that the best we can do is to get up, make the tea, pet the dog and breathe in and out – the prayer of the living.” This!!!! All of it was so honest, so true, so beautiful, so you. Thank you for putting words to all the things we all feel sometimes when regret, desire, memory, and reflection all meet at the same time.
Oh thank you, Sally. This note was such a balm on my heart. Lots of feelings this week and it is so good to be seen amidst them. Thank you sweet one. xoxo
Jocelyn, humaning can be so hard sometimes, I know! Yet you show us how that is what it is to be human, to experience "moments that are so beautiful they break your heart and how there are days so bleak they break your soul." I'm remembering my best friend in Grade 8, the first peer with whom I truly connected. We experienced joy and beautiful moments together. She moved to Uruguay that summer. We wrote each other regularly at first, the letters dwindling over a couple years until they stopped. We reconnected when she moved back to Canada in our mid-twenties, but we were different people then and our friendship never blossomed again. Even though we were no longer close, I broke all over again when she died a few years ago. Your piece made me think of her, thank you.
It is federal election day in Canada. I'm hoping the majority of people will vote for the candidate who isn't a threat to democratic values and the safety and acceptance of socially marginalized folks, but so many vote based on one single issue in their self-interest, ignoring the wider societal issues – this is what frightens me.
No matter the outcome, I'm with you in doing "the things our hearts call us to do"!!
Oh Jocelyn, this is next level writing! I know we both study with Jeannine and I can see so many excellent tools at play in this essay. It is very good.
My favourite line, of many, is “I’m done humaning, I hope this is my last time around.” The way you just dropped that in there, amidst story, and questioning, and a call to search for the good made me stop getting ready for work so I could fully absorb every word you wrote. I wish I could write the awesome comment this piece deserves but…work.
Bravo!
I love that you can see Jeannine's influence here! None of this was specifically from any one exercise, but Jeannine gets into my bones, as I think she does with many of us.
Oh wow, that line. I wasn't sure about that one. It was so concrete. And it's wonderful to hear that it worked for you! And wow! You stopped getting ready to read. That is such a huge, wonderful compliment. And I understand the pull of wanting to write more and having to go to work. I am grateful you took a minute. Thank you thank you. xoxo
Beautiful Jocelyn!
Thank you!! xo
Thank you Jocelyn for your writings and Summertime. A song my mom sang to me, I sang to my daughter and she sings to her daughter. We are all connected. 💞
You are so welcome and oh that made me smile so big. How utterly lovely. Thank you for sharing that with me. ♥️♥️♥️
Beautiful. Sometimes I so wish to be Angie and then I’ll have a day when I meet my friend for a walk and I’m glad I’m still here. Love you ❤️
I too am often so so tired of humaning that I wish I weren't here anymore. I feel like I don't want to be anywhere. And then, I walk with my friend and we hold hands and I remember that being human is also so so so sweet and tender. Love you to babe. ❤️
Beautiful essay. And I, too, love Chris Botti and his version of this favorite song❤️
Oooooh, Trevy! Someone else who loves Chris Botti!! And this is one of my all time favorite songs. Thank you for the kind words and letting me know you're out there loving this music too. ❤️🙏
Wow, you opened up my mind's eye and my heart in this beautiful piece, my friend. Absolutely absorbing writing that transported me to that time with you, and Angie.
Thank you sweet friend. How wonderful to hear. I've been floating around that time all day today. This one really stuck with me. Thanks for seeing me. xoxoxo
Like Donna said, there's so much to appreciate in the writing here. For me, somehow, it was the paragraph about painting with watercolors that really got me in the feels. I remember being a girl who liked to draw and paint, and how the power of my body (something to be wielded but also protected and managed) was part of what drove her away. Such an understated, poignant essay.
Oh this one made my heart hurt a little, I recognize that little girl being driven away by how you so elegantly put it, "how the power of my body (something to be wielded but also protected and managed)" yes yes yes. Thank you so much for saying this, "Such an understated, poignant essay." It's funny how a piece starts and then goes its own direction, isn't it? The car was obviously a container of Jeannine's, but it was maybe the second or third and I was running out of steam but when I came back, all of this other stuff came forward.
I think the containers are always just starting points. I'm so glad you kept going with this one.
I agree. and I meant to say thank you for pointing out the watercolor paragraph. It's so powerful to know what resonated with different readers and I really loved when that little bit came through. xoxox
Yes, tears are so near the surface these days, and yes, Jocelyn, your words always release a few tears. For the better.
Oh what a wonderful compliment. Thank you, Nancy, for sharing that with me. Sending love. ❤️
Sending love back❤️
Thank you!! I need it today.
Oh my goodness. Just. Wow. The way you conjure images and feelings is unmatched. I really don’t know how you do it. I loved the coin analogy. I loved hearing about Angie and sharing hair ties and secrets. Beautifully woven.
oooh thank you! I"m so glad to hear you liked the coin bit. I liked it too but wasn't totally sure it would resonate. and the hair ties and secrets. that part too. Thank you for calling them out!! xoxooxo
You have such a beautiful way of weaving words and worlds and bringing it home to what matters. Love this so much. xoxo
Oh thank you, Vanessa! What a lovely way to say that, "weaving words and worlds and bringing it home to what matters." because that's exactly what I try to do! xoxoxo
You do it well and I'm learning from your example. xoxo
Oh thank you! What a lovely thing to hear. xoxox
This summarizes so much of exactly what life is. The yearning, the hope, confusion, fear, trying, regrets, and then, back to hope. I loved this writing.
Thank you, Shannon, for the kind words! It felt like I needed to write about all those things. I think Angie just gave me a little nudge. ;) ❤️
This was a heartbreaking read. I paused soaking in Angie before beginning to read - her beauty shining from the picture as I wondered ‘why do we think prom photos are hideous because these souls are young, bright, and gorgeous.’ And in that instant, I knew she had died.
I don’t know how, but maybe in my experience the ones that shine so bright, go first.
The kitchen floor scene carried an uncomfortable tension - that edge of pushing limits as we grow, but then wanting to draw the line or change our mind.. suffocating under a pressure that was not of our making.
Beautiful and grounding prayer for the living - moving through the bleak today - thank you.
Ooooh your whole comment gave me chills, Shaista. In the best way. I wondered if some would be able to tell, just from that photo, that Angie had died. There's something there, or not there, a different energy. Thank you for the close read on the kitchen floor scene. It's so strange how that relates to Angie, but somehow it did and I love how you spoke to it, "wanting to draw the line or change our mind.. suffocating under a pressure that was not of our making." The pressure that was not of our making...that really got me. You just saw so clearly what I was drawing with words. Thank you for that. And sending you love through the bleakness. 💖
I’m thankful to be introduced to her, and I feel how she ties in to all of it 💗🕊️.
Thank you for sending your love, admitting I need it today!
That feels so lovely to hear. Thank you. And yes, so much love is needed right now. Sending even more! xo
This resonates because when we're in high school, and just after, although we understand death, from all the funerals we've attended by then, somehow we kind of forget that that includes us and all of our friends, or it sort of feels like some of our friends will just "always be there." And then over the decades, we hear about some of our closest friends from our younger years dying in various ways, and we remember how precious every day is, no matter how happy we may be in the moment, we need to make our own happiness. This is such a timely reminder for us, right now.
Thank you, Joy. Yes, that's exactly it. By high school or college, most of us have had someone in our lives die and yet it is still out there. Our awareness of our own mortality is not yet formed. And maybe that is why Angie has been on my mind lately, that need to remember that even though so many things are truly horrible right now, I am still here. We are all still here and there IS beauty and joy and love, and it's more important than ever to reach out for those things and hold them close.
“I wish I could tell Angie about the things she's missed. About how it doesn't get any better or easier when you get older, how there is no such thing as finally feeling like everything is all lined up. About how there are moments that are so beautiful they break your heart and how there are days so bleak they break your soul, but that the best we can do is to get up, make the tea, pet the dog and breathe in and out – the prayer of the living.” This!!!! All of it was so honest, so true, so beautiful, so you. Thank you for putting words to all the things we all feel sometimes when regret, desire, memory, and reflection all meet at the same time.
Oh thank you, Sally. This note was such a balm on my heart. Lots of feelings this week and it is so good to be seen amidst them. Thank you sweet one. xoxo
Jocelyn, humaning can be so hard sometimes, I know! Yet you show us how that is what it is to be human, to experience "moments that are so beautiful they break your heart and how there are days so bleak they break your soul." I'm remembering my best friend in Grade 8, the first peer with whom I truly connected. We experienced joy and beautiful moments together. She moved to Uruguay that summer. We wrote each other regularly at first, the letters dwindling over a couple years until they stopped. We reconnected when she moved back to Canada in our mid-twenties, but we were different people then and our friendship never blossomed again. Even though we were no longer close, I broke all over again when she died a few years ago. Your piece made me think of her, thank you.
It is federal election day in Canada. I'm hoping the majority of people will vote for the candidate who isn't a threat to democratic values and the safety and acceptance of socially marginalized folks, but so many vote based on one single issue in their self-interest, ignoring the wider societal issues – this is what frightens me.
No matter the outcome, I'm with you in doing "the things our hearts call us to do"!!