I really loved this tale of finding inner peace. The tale has so many chapters and sequels and villains and heroines. I too have lived this tale and mine is ever evolving as is yours. You have always been stunningly beautiful to me but my heart sings knowing that you are on your way to truly seeing yourself that way. I don’t know about you but the inner wisdom of our 50s feels like it’s always kind of been there, but waiting for this time in our lives specifically. Like if we had had it any earlier would we have listened? ILYSM!!!
oooh this gave me chills! I love how you said this, "The tale has so many chapters and sequels and villains and heroines. I too have lived this tale and mine is ever evolving as is yours." And this was lovely: "You have always been stunningly beautiful to me but my heart sings knowing that you are on your way to truly seeing yourself that way." Thank you thank you. and yes, I think you're right, that it's always been there, but waiting for us to be where we are now. I love that. ❤️❤️❤️ Also, WTF is up with that dress from The Row? I mean, I LOVE how Mary Kate and Ashely Olsen dress themselves, and a lot of the The Row designs are lovely. But this dress, I just don't get.
Well this was so lovely, Jocelyn. I may be a tad biased but I think your glasses are super smokin’ hot. But the light inside of you that shines through your writing here— the playfulness, the curiosity, the shy contagious joy? That is beauty and I bet it shows in your strut, and your smile. And those kick ass glasses, of course.
OOps, this response went in the Monika's part of the thread. No matter really, but wanted to make sure you saw it, Emily. xo
Emily, this, "I think your glasses are super smokin’ hot." you made me cackle out loud. Thank you!! My husband got a good laugh too. OH this, Emily, "But the light inside of you that shines through your writing here— the playfulness, the curiosity, the shy contagious joy?" Thank you so much for saying that and noticing (of course you noticed) because it felt playful and light and fun to write. I feel like I'm entering a new space in myself and in my writing where I don't have to be so serious all the time. xoxoxo
Thank you! This morning I am seeing so many new layers— fashion lenses that alter the way others see her and the way she sees herself braided next to images we see of high fashion models… wow!!
Ooooh thank you Emily! Yes! there are lots of layers, fashion lenses, parental lenses, cultural ones. and I love how you said, "sees herself braided..." that word braided is just lovely here and it's so apt.
Emily, this, "I think your glasses are super smokin’ hot." you made me cackle out loud. Thank you!! My husband got a good laugh too. OH this, Emily, "But the light inside of you that shines through your writing here— the playfulness, the curiosity, the shy contagious joy?" Thank you so much for saying that and noticing (of course you noticed) because it felt playful and light and fun to write. I feel like I'm entering a new space in myself and in my writing where I don't have to be so serious all the time. xoxoxo
My dear one, thank you for bringing this to us. It made me all emotional. So many thoughts resonated. Oh, our relationship with our aging bodies. So many twists and turns. So many moments of feeling betrayed, and feeling happy, and unhappy. It's such a winding road.
I love your new glasses, they are very you. And I also love Mrs. Roper's mumu. During COVID, I bought myself a mumu and I totally freaking love it. I wear it on Sundays when everyone else in the world can piss off.
"I was the only one who didn't have anything to contribute except my lined forehead." Yes, feel you sister. As I told a guy friend from high school yesterday who complimented me on how good I look, "Well, it's just me and my feminist convictions, so thanks."
You are so welcome, my love. It's a BIG subject and one I know is up for you and so many of my similarly-aged friends. I love this, "So many twists and turns. So many moments of feeling betrayed, and feeling happy, and unhappy. It's such a winding road." And OMG I laughed out loud at you wearing the dress on Sundays when everyone else can piss off. Thank you sweet Emily for that. And at this, "As I told a guy friend from high school yesterday who complimented me on how good I look, "Well, it's just me and my feminist convictions, so thanks." so much yes, sister. so much yes. xoxoxo
I just saw this Monika and than you! I don't think of myself as a funny writer or person, but every once in a while something comes out and I think it's funny. Lovely to know it comes across that way to others too!
Yay! thank you so much! I got a compliment on them from a young woman and an older gentleman in the same day. There's something about them. I think maybe it's that they're just fun. You are so welcome, thank YOU for the recommendation. It means more than I can say. xoxo🦋🙏
Very nice piece, Jocelyn. It's funny, before I got remarried, my daughters use to tell me that if we were going out together to not wear a shirt with writing on it. I told them that if it wasn't for races, I wouldn't have new shirts at all. Now that I'm married again, they've relinquished the role of fashion shaming me to my wife🤣. The Row dress made me laugh, seriously, then I saw the price...OMG...
It's amazing how much of our being and essence we send out through our body language. I'm sure Russell, like you said, was admiring your total being. Thanks for this, friend.
Hello Friend, thank you for the kind words and for making me chuckle with this, "I told them that if it wasn't for races, I wouldn't have new shirts at all. Now that I'm married again, they've relinquished the role of fashion shaming me to my wife🤣." And I'm delighted The Row dress made you laugh. It's ridiculous. One of my readers sent me this spoof of it on Instagram if you're interested: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C9Ke4P5speR/
And it truly is incredible how much of ourselves, our energy, essence, light we put out into the world without thinking about (and with). 🙏❤️ Thank you for the restack and for the thoughtful comments. I always love seeing you here.
Hahaha! I just watched the instagram reel. That was genius! The glasses on the dogs had me literally laughing out loud🤣. It's always wonderful to talk with you here. Funny, even through the veil of the internet we can get a pretty good feel for who we are dealing with.
I’m so glad you watched it!! I’ve replayed it a few times now and it always makes me laugh. And yes, the veil of the internet still lets a lot of light in. ;)
Jocelyn, a beautiful, meandering essay with a through line of real life in every paragraph. Resonated with so much of it!! Loved how you brought it to a close “I think we're trying to do the impossible. To tell ourselves and others our story by a few pieces of material. Because even though I can reach out to the future self I want to be and listen when she tells me to wear a pair of glasses that make me stand out, no one can possibly know all the notes of a life by just reading the music.”
Lisa, thank you so much. I love this description, "meandering essay with a through line of real life in every paragraph" Sometimes when I'm writing, I'm not sure why a certain story comes to mind and I write it down and sometimes they don't make the final cut, but sometimes, like with this piece, most of them did and I too love how it just wanders, but as Emily said, it's "Braided" together. I'm so glad you liked that last line. Working on that thing that Jeannine teaches of showing and then giving something beautiful and maybe surprising at the end. xoxox
Jocelyn, what a wonderful essay. As always in your writing, you take me on such a ride, such an enjoyable ride, where I know there will be a few twists and turns, always delightful and thought provoking and relatable, and then I will always be struck at the end as I sit back and say, Yes. There it is. This is what it is all about, it's not the clothes or glasses we wear, it's our ALIVENESS, our sexy belonging to ourselves, that not even a $4,000 dress can give us. Thank you for this. I especially related to you in that fitting room, noticing the new bulges. I am a 64 year old woman who this past weekend bought herself a sexy two piece bathing suit and I am far, FAR, from a Kate Moss size body. Whatever the opposite of that is, that's me. But I don't want to be. I love my curves. I love the sun-browned body, the strong legs, the arms that can reach up to the sky and say, Thank you for this day, thank you for this healthy body, this mind, this life. And yes, in my sky-blue bathing suit, men walking by gave me a second glance, a smile, a hello. Didn't matter in the least. I was strutting for ME. Nothing sexier than that, right?
Thank you so much Amy. This just made me feel so good, because that's why I do this thing, right? It's to connect and take others with me somewhere I'm going or trying to go and to know I get us all there is just magic to my heart! So thank you so much for your words. Our ALIVENESS is really it, isn't it? And YES YES YES to the bikini!!! Ohmygosh that just makes me sooooo happy to hear! I think all women should wear bikinis with love and joy for themselves. I haven't had a one-piece since I used to swim laps 20 years ago. I have four bikinis now and rotate through them in the summer (nobody likes a wet bathing suit) and I think they look phenomenal on every body! And woohoo to the strutting for yourself. There is _nothing_ sexier than that. Also, I think I may need to go get a sky-blue bathing suit now, ;) Where did you get yours? xoxox
Thanks for this wonderful reply, my friend. I got my suit from a store called Everything But Water and the designer is Jiaren, color Big Sur Bleu, www.eurodbeattie.com. Love their tagline: Green is the new bleu. Their suits are made sustainably.
You are so welcome, reading your comment was such joy!
And this just seems like kismet, since Big Sur is my heart home. ;) Thank you for the link, I love knowing they're sustainably made. Once I have a suit I commit and wear it until it's elastic gives out all over. 😉
Amy, I completely agree with you on the aboutness of Jocelyn’s essay “This is what it is all about, it's not the clothes or glasses we wear, it's our ALIVENESS, our sexy belonging to ourselves”. And as a 65 YO, I also relate to your musings about the love of your curves!
“Yes. There it is. This is what it is all about, it's not the clothes or glasses we wear, it's our ALIVENESS, our sexy belonging to ourselves, that not even a $4,000 dress can give us.” Nailed it, Amy! 🔨
Just yesterday I wore to work: a striped v-neck t-shirt and a pair of curdory shorts. With my signature Chaco sandals. As a health care professional, once a year or so I wear shorts to work. A long-time client took notice of my attire and said, "You look like you are dressed to go outside and play." Although I didn't like her pointing out my clothes, she meant it with endearment. And: she nailed it. That's who I am. That's how I like to dress. That is my version of that something intanglble that we are trying to access and express through our clothing and accessory choices. I *am* the girl, the woman, who feels best when she's dressed to go outside and play. Whether I am actually going outside or not. This is me. Thank you for speaking to this in your essay. I just loved it! It's a topic on every woman's mind, just about every time she gets dressed.
This is so spot on, Stephanie, "t's a topic on every woman's mind, just about every time she gets dressed." Even just going to the chiropractor's today, I was thinking, "Oh, I wore that last week, she's going to think it's all I wear." Seriously, she is not remembering or caring what the heck I wear to our sessions! But it's so ingrained. I remember kids would make so much fun of us girls if we wore the same thing twice in two weeks. But the boys could wear things over and over. At least that's my perception. I'd be curious to hear what dressing was like for boys. I'm guessing there are gradations and different experiences just like for women. And then of course if back in the day you didn't identity as either, or as something that wasn't what the world said you needed to be. That's a whole other topic.
And this, "Although I didn't like her pointing out my clothes, she meant it with endearment. And: she nailed it. That's who I am. That's how I like to dress. " Yes! I totally get that. It can feel so vulnerable when we're dressed fully as ourselves and someone points it out. Like they're really seeing us and it can be shocking. My go to outfit, the ratty jeans I talk about in this essay, and a tank or t, is just so me. (I'm wearing that exact outfit right now) I feel utterly myself, but I also feel like people will pigeonhole me because I also love high fashion. I think what I'm realizing is the chameleon like nature of how I dress, and how I want to be perceived. I'm learning to lean into not having to be just one thing. How freeing!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it's giving me something to think about for the next essay in this series (which didn't start out as a series at all) about the vulnerability of dressing as our true selves. Wheee.
I love this, thank you so much Jocelyn! I've often thought about the folks that wear a 'uniform' like Steve Jobs did and realize that approach is not for me. I'm no fashion plate (haha, I live in a small mountain town so Blundstones are our footwear of choice and my favorite kind of shopping is at boutique consignments) but I enjoy getting dressed. As you said our clothes can be more than just something to wear, they can be an expression of what we are all about, and it often never feels quite right. I don't get the 4K$ price tag on something we could grab at the thrift store, that cash could be put to good use another way but again, it's never about the clothes!
The story about you and Russell was a wonderful snapshot of gorgeous humanity, I appreciate you sharing it and your glasses are totally fab. Keep on rocking them!
Oh Donna, you are so welcome! I think you hit on something really powerful about dressing. Like you said, I don't think it's necessarily (or always or ever) about being a fashion plate or looking good for others, because there is so much power in wearing purposeful clothing like mountain shoes or down jackets or whatever. Just yesterday I was in one of my outfits that makes me feel so me. And I say outfits loosely lol, I had on my same jeans as in this piece with the knees that are completely gone, a little baby doll tank that's loose and flowy and an off the shoulder sweatshirt. I've had the top and sweatshirt for probably 10 years and it's just a very Santa Cruz, CA kind of outfit. Very beachy, very pseudo-hippie and I felt so in my skin all day.
And I'm with you on consignment and vintage shopping -- LOVE it! There are so many clothes already out there. I also love a new dress now and again, but not The Row at 4k :)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with clothes and for this, "wonderful snapshot of gorgeous humanity" that gave me chills in the best way. Thank you! 💖
So many thoughts I have!! Once again I’m SO honored to have prompted this string of *amazing* essays for you! I adore each one I read I literally am carried off in them like I am when reading a good book.
Also LOVE the new glasses!
This essay took me on a ride and felt so vulnerable in the dressing room, learning about changing bodies. I very intimately knew my mom’s body and I saw so much life on her’s, and then in hindsight I see how much whittled away as her disease progressed and took her.
It’s a journey of acceptance and most of all understanding as changes occur in our lives entirely. Body, mentally, emotionally, spiritually… Quite the journey!
I literally left your essay once I read about you questioning the glasses because they were so boldly different because it sparked something in ME to write about: being seen!
And then you wrapped me all up toward the end when talking about how magnetic we can be when we’re fully embracing our being. I’ve had that happen a couple of times when I was my most happiest, and that’s when people reached out to me. Wasn’t looking any particular way… I think my energy and love was full within life in those moments!
Things started clicking a bit around clothes too in your essay for me! I was just thinking about clothes and adorning myself (it’s still been a journey for me too!) and with your essay, it’s like… Clothes for some people can either continue the holistic goodness you seek to live out each day, or snag it.
They can also make you reflect and question yourself (“too bold, bright, extravagant”)… what makes this so uncomfy to wear public (specifically for me wearing brighter colors). That’s a whole pondering point within itself when getting out of your comfort zone with clothes!
But yes! Thank you for yet another essay on identity, style, and knowing yourself! This journey’s been fun and eye-opening for me as I continue navigating it all myself! The way I think and feel has changed A LOT since I first asked the question and now I wanna reflect on how and why it’s changed and what does it mean to care about feeling good in what I wear and how I chose to look!
Again, a LOVELY essay I enjoyed reading my (hopefully) last day of isolation with my first bout of Covid!
Hi Cierra! I swear I wrote back to you -- I can even remember what I said, but who knows maybe it was all in my head. So I'm sorry to keep you hanging for so long.
Thank you thank you for sharing that about your mom and watching her body over the course of her life and illness. Wow. How beautiful.
And thank you for this, "This essay took me on a ride and felt so vulnerable in the dressing room" I wondered if that was too intimate, but it felt necessary and I know every woman has been in that place, even young women, analyzing and critiquing our bodies in that awful light with bad mirrors.
THIS! "I literally left your essay once I read about you questioning the glasses because they were so boldly different because it sparked something in ME to write about: being seen!" WHEEEEE! That makes me so so so happy!
" I think my energy and love was full within life in those moments!" YES! when our energy and love is full is when we are so attractive - to everyone, not just romantically or physically, but energetically like you said. It feels wonderful to be that in our skin, doesn't it? And this, "continue the holistic goodness you seek to live out each day, or snag it." this sounds like the theme of an essay!
Oh, clothes with colors. Whew. that one is such a struggle for me. you've read about all the reasons and it's incredible to me that these days I feel so much more comfortable in colors and prints. I just got this fabulous jumpsuit, sleeveless with ruffles on the straps and big wide legs with a huge flower print all over it. It's so much fun to wear!
You are so so welcome. Than you right back! I love that your journey is evolving! Mine too!
I'd LOVE to see that jumpsuit! It sounds gorgeous!!
I'm glad you wrote back when you did! It reminded me of so much I said and has slipped my mind overtime, and probably for the best cause life's been shaking me a little lately!
Now I get a chance to savor this comment and return to my excitement and all the quotes you pulled from our conversations! :D
So a serendipitous happening! Happened exactly how it needed to! :)
What a great piece! The notion of being informed by my future self, rather than my past self will atay with me. And I loved that last line. Way to bring it home. 💕♥️
Thank you Holly! That notion really got me too and it's been changing the way I think about things and the way I think about my energy. And thank you for saying that about the last line! I really liked it, but then I wondered if it was too much, or if it tied in enough, if it made sense, so I really appreciate you saying that! xoxox
What a great piece, I loved the whole vibe. And I loved that you took Russell's compliments with panache and a smile. Oh, and I love your 'specs. There is nothing like a pair of unusual glasses to make you feel sassy and alive. My current pairs are black with a yellow bridge and arms, and a pair of cerise frames with a black leopard print. Good for you for making peace with your body!
Hi June, thank you! I loved the vibe too, like Emily mentioned it felt more playful and fun. And I love her wording, "Shy contagious joy". And thank you!! I adore them now too. They feel very me and I wear them all the time and just feel so put together even if I'm in my sloppy jeans. I think that's a sign of wearing something because it feels authentic to my inner space, rather than wearing something for others. What do you think?
First I died - who is wearing that dress?!?! Love the glasses. They are a 100% yes. I can picture your outfit when you went out with the ladies. Working on the courage to start writing.
Right??!! Srsly, WHO? I mean a lot of their stuff is just basic and clean lines, but this is, I don't even know. And yay! I love them too. "100% yes"! Oooooh, I'm thrilled you could picture that outfit. It was one of my faves, but sooo not bougie bar attire (we went to the Proper) which maybe made me like it even more. ;) And oh I love that your working on the courage to write. Sometimes it takes a lot. I've been writing for myself for decades and it felt so big to put it out in the world, but then it just started to feel...vital. xoxoxo
Smokin’ hot writing, Jocelyn! I love the flow of this piece and your journey towards self-acceptance. It feels loose and rambling and also so on point. Like your big round audacious entirely you glasses. I relate to the moments you describe here and wish I could pick up the phone like we would’ve in the 90s and talk to you about all this stuff for hours. This feels kindred: "Once we start pulling our thoughts and our energy from our future selves, our wise selves, and stop pulling our energy from the past, from our trauma, from a place of protection, we start to be free." As does this: the “The subject of Botox came up and I was the only one who didn't have anything to contribute except my lined forehead.” Lol same. And now I think of the McDonalds moment - “I think he thought my entire being was beautiful.” - and Russell’s appreciation of your natural, relaxed inner and outer style, and I wonder: is all the Botoxing and tight dresses and pursuit of skinny really for the male gaze? Or is it for a female gaze pressurized by the beauty/fashion/magazine/Instagram/entertainment industry that gaslights us into telling us it’s for the men? It feels dangerous to even think this, let alone say it out loud. All of which is to say you moved me and got me thinking—the mark of a great piece! Thank you.
I truly love how playful y'all are being with the "Smokin’ hot " line. I almost left it out because it's so... juvenile? on the edge of crass? But it was also kind of funny in it's own right. And he was one of those guys who managed to be a little forward without being scary.
I love this, "It feels loose and rambling and also so on point" I'm so glad it felt that way to so many readers because sometimes it's hard, since I know all the background, to know if I've woven it all together well enough that it isn't just all over the place. period. :)
"wish I could pick up the phone like we would’ve in the 90s and talk to you about all this stuff for hours. " YESSSSS!!
And THANK YOU for saying the dangerous thing. I wonder the same and steer away from writing pointedly on the subject, but I think you're onto something and I think it's complicated and layered and deeply ingrained in so so so much of the patriarchal capitalist world we live in.
I just watched "Good Luck to You, Leo Grande" with Emma Thompson and holy shit, it's incredible. Uncomfortable sometimes (I think in a good way) but a beautiful look at an older woman and her relationship with her body. The end is a stunner.
In talking about the movie, Thompson said this, "“We’re not good at accepting our bodies, particularly women whose status is related to body image.” and it really stuck with me. It's so true that our status is directly related to body image - until we decide it isn't and then there are still consequences to that, right?
I feel like you and I could talk a lot about this! Maybe there's an essay here for both of us to write.
And this made me feel so good, "All of which is to say you moved me and got me thinking—the mark of a great piece! Thank you." You are so so so welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read and to do a close read and to share what you were thinking and feeling here-- especially the scary bits. That means more to me than I can really say. ❤️🙏
As for writing together, I’m so honored that you would even think of a collaboration! I’ve never done one before. I’m deep in another project rn but I’ll definitely keep it in mind!
And as for the dangerous thing, thank you for catching what i said and receiving it in the spirit with which it was intended. I forgot I put that Emma Thompson movie on my to watch list. I’m going to watch it soon!
I love that you read that as an invitation for collaboration, because I was thinking of each of us writing an essay on our own and then I realized it could be taken as a collaboration invitation and so I left it open to interpretation. So since you read it as collab, I think we just let the idea be there and percolate. ❤️ I do believe in kismet and synchronicities. xoxox
Oh ha ha another example of the magic of leaving things open to interpretation. Now I see I was a bit presumptuous 🙈 But I love the idea of each writing our own essays, and also staying open to collaborating someday. The best and/both situation. And I 100% believe in kismet and synchronicity 💕
So the smokin’ hot - I’m so glad you shared you almost pulled it out. And I’m even gladder you took the risk and inspired us to do the same.
Let me see if I can explain why it works for me. First, as Jeannine would say, it’s super voicy."Listen, you gotta give me your number. You are just smokin' hot." Instantly I picture the character - his truck, and also things you don’t mention: his clothes, his face, his physique. All in two tiny sentences that reveals his character. Especially because he says it after he appraised your wedding ring, which suggests a certain assholery. But then he says it’s wonderful you’re so happily married, which suggests an acceptance. So he’s complex. Human. Just spectacular dialogue.
Then you put it context by really making something of this moment when you muse about what he found attractive. Then you nail the meaning: “I think he thought my entire being was beautiful.” For me, this is the crescendo of the essay.
Oooooh Monika, I just got chills! Wheeee! I feel so seen by your wonderful, inciteful, thoughtful close read. It's so funny as a writer, there's this magic happening, right, where we're just in it, and then we're revising and, because of Jeannine, my body knows the experience and I'm not just all up in my head and so things like what you describe can happen without me _thinking_ about all that context and subtext and everything you mentioned, but I'm working at showing it, right, without telling it and I think it's just freaking MAGIC! Because I also thought, hmmm, I should describe his truck (you probably know this in your head, but it was big, black, lifted,) or his face or whatever. But I'm so so so thrilled that the dialogue and how I managed to put that scene together did the work I wanted it to do!
I haven't heard Jeannine say voicy - but that's IT. Omg, it's cringey isn't it? And had he said anything else, it wouldn't have shown his assholery (i adore this word you made). And the thing I'm learning from this group is that I don't need to put in the whole conversation. There was more said that just wasn't important to the essay, right? And before, I probably would have put much more in (no restraint) and that would have weakened the voicyness.
Wheeeee! 🤸🏼♀️ 🤸🏼♀️ 🤸🏼♀️ I’m grateful you love talking about this! It’s teaching me a lot about showing just enough so thank you for this!
The beauty of what you did with the dialogue + “big truck” is that you showed just enough and still left enough to the reader’s imagination. I would’ve been tempted to show too much and wrangle the reader into imagining - a “black lifted [insert make of truck]”. Instead I had the pleasure of imagining something different: a big red diesel-y Dodge Ram. I have no idea why. But it felt… effortless. I used to wonder what “trust the reader” meant and now I feel like I’m closer to understanding it, so thank you!
I heard assholery all over a podcast recently! Sadly I can’t remember which one. But I quickly googled it and it’s defined in the wiktionary and urban dictionary as “the behaviour characteristic of an asshole” 😂
And yes, Jeannine’s voicy and voiciness are Chef’s kiss. Mwah! 😘
Loved your thoughts, Jocelyn. Loved our line: no one can know the entire music of life by reading the sheets.... so true. We have to play it to know it:)) Love your glasses, by the way:) Love
Oh thank you Ansua, thank you. I loved that line and you know, sometimes they don't work and I wasn't sure, but it seemed to work. So I deeply appreciate you reading and taking a moment to comment on that. And yay! The glasses are a definite hit. I wonder if I could get them in RED? That would be next level. 😂❤️🙏
Well this was so lovely, Jocelyn. I may be a tad biased but I think your glasses are super smokin’ hot. But the light inside of you that shines through your writing here— the playfulness, the curiosity, the shy contagious joy? That is beauty and I bet it shows in your strut, and your smile. And those kick ass glasses, of course.
I really loved this tale of finding inner peace. The tale has so many chapters and sequels and villains and heroines. I too have lived this tale and mine is ever evolving as is yours. You have always been stunningly beautiful to me but my heart sings knowing that you are on your way to truly seeing yourself that way. I don’t know about you but the inner wisdom of our 50s feels like it’s always kind of been there, but waiting for this time in our lives specifically. Like if we had had it any earlier would we have listened? ILYSM!!!
oooh this gave me chills! I love how you said this, "The tale has so many chapters and sequels and villains and heroines. I too have lived this tale and mine is ever evolving as is yours." And this was lovely: "You have always been stunningly beautiful to me but my heart sings knowing that you are on your way to truly seeing yourself that way." Thank you thank you. and yes, I think you're right, that it's always been there, but waiting for us to be where we are now. I love that. ❤️❤️❤️ Also, WTF is up with that dress from The Row? I mean, I LOVE how Mary Kate and Ashely Olsen dress themselves, and a lot of the The Row designs are lovely. But this dress, I just don't get.
Well this was so lovely, Jocelyn. I may be a tad biased but I think your glasses are super smokin’ hot. But the light inside of you that shines through your writing here— the playfulness, the curiosity, the shy contagious joy? That is beauty and I bet it shows in your strut, and your smile. And those kick ass glasses, of course.
OOps, this response went in the Monika's part of the thread. No matter really, but wanted to make sure you saw it, Emily. xo
Emily, this, "I think your glasses are super smokin’ hot." you made me cackle out loud. Thank you!! My husband got a good laugh too. OH this, Emily, "But the light inside of you that shines through your writing here— the playfulness, the curiosity, the shy contagious joy?" Thank you so much for saying that and noticing (of course you noticed) because it felt playful and light and fun to write. I feel like I'm entering a new space in myself and in my writing where I don't have to be so serious all the time. xoxoxo
They really are super smokin hot glasses! 👓
💕💕💕💕so excited for you, Jocelyn! And for us, your lucky readers!
Thank you so much hon, that means a lot to me. xo
Xoxo
Oh well said, Emily!
Thank you! This morning I am seeing so many new layers— fashion lenses that alter the way others see her and the way she sees herself braided next to images we see of high fashion models… wow!!
Ooooh thank you Emily! Yes! there are lots of layers, fashion lenses, parental lenses, cultural ones. and I love how you said, "sees herself braided..." that word braided is just lovely here and it's so apt.
Right? This essay is a delicious trip.
"A delicious trip" !!! Wheee. I'm so glad!
It really is yummy!
Emily, this, "I think your glasses are super smokin’ hot." you made me cackle out loud. Thank you!! My husband got a good laugh too. OH this, Emily, "But the light inside of you that shines through your writing here— the playfulness, the curiosity, the shy contagious joy?" Thank you so much for saying that and noticing (of course you noticed) because it felt playful and light and fun to write. I feel like I'm entering a new space in myself and in my writing where I don't have to be so serious all the time. xoxoxo
My dear one, thank you for bringing this to us. It made me all emotional. So many thoughts resonated. Oh, our relationship with our aging bodies. So many twists and turns. So many moments of feeling betrayed, and feeling happy, and unhappy. It's such a winding road.
I love your new glasses, they are very you. And I also love Mrs. Roper's mumu. During COVID, I bought myself a mumu and I totally freaking love it. I wear it on Sundays when everyone else in the world can piss off.
"I was the only one who didn't have anything to contribute except my lined forehead." Yes, feel you sister. As I told a guy friend from high school yesterday who complimented me on how good I look, "Well, it's just me and my feminist convictions, so thanks."
You are so welcome, my love. It's a BIG subject and one I know is up for you and so many of my similarly-aged friends. I love this, "So many twists and turns. So many moments of feeling betrayed, and feeling happy, and unhappy. It's such a winding road." And OMG I laughed out loud at you wearing the dress on Sundays when everyone else can piss off. Thank you sweet Emily for that. And at this, "As I told a guy friend from high school yesterday who complimented me on how good I look, "Well, it's just me and my feminist convictions, so thanks." so much yes, sister. so much yes. xoxoxo
Also I just love Jocelyn’s voice and humour in the “nothing to contribute except” line.
I just saw this Monika and than you! I don't think of myself as a funny writer or person, but every once in a while something comes out and I think it's funny. Lovely to know it comes across that way to others too!
xo
It's delightfully dry!
“Well, it's just me and my feminist convictions, so thanks." Ooooooooo, I love this!
For the record: LOVE the glasses. Unapologetically you! And thanks for the shout out ✨😉
Yay! thank you so much! I got a compliment on them from a young woman and an older gentleman in the same day. There's something about them. I think maybe it's that they're just fun. You are so welcome, thank YOU for the recommendation. It means more than I can say. xoxo🦋🙏
Very nice piece, Jocelyn. It's funny, before I got remarried, my daughters use to tell me that if we were going out together to not wear a shirt with writing on it. I told them that if it wasn't for races, I wouldn't have new shirts at all. Now that I'm married again, they've relinquished the role of fashion shaming me to my wife🤣. The Row dress made me laugh, seriously, then I saw the price...OMG...
It's amazing how much of our being and essence we send out through our body language. I'm sure Russell, like you said, was admiring your total being. Thanks for this, friend.
Hello Friend, thank you for the kind words and for making me chuckle with this, "I told them that if it wasn't for races, I wouldn't have new shirts at all. Now that I'm married again, they've relinquished the role of fashion shaming me to my wife🤣." And I'm delighted The Row dress made you laugh. It's ridiculous. One of my readers sent me this spoof of it on Instagram if you're interested: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C9Ke4P5speR/
And it truly is incredible how much of ourselves, our energy, essence, light we put out into the world without thinking about (and with). 🙏❤️ Thank you for the restack and for the thoughtful comments. I always love seeing you here.
Hahaha! I just watched the instagram reel. That was genius! The glasses on the dogs had me literally laughing out loud🤣. It's always wonderful to talk with you here. Funny, even through the veil of the internet we can get a pretty good feel for who we are dealing with.
I’m so glad you watched it!! I’ve replayed it a few times now and it always makes me laugh. And yes, the veil of the internet still lets a lot of light in. ;)
Jocelyn, a beautiful, meandering essay with a through line of real life in every paragraph. Resonated with so much of it!! Loved how you brought it to a close “I think we're trying to do the impossible. To tell ourselves and others our story by a few pieces of material. Because even though I can reach out to the future self I want to be and listen when she tells me to wear a pair of glasses that make me stand out, no one can possibly know all the notes of a life by just reading the music.”
Lisa, thank you so much. I love this description, "meandering essay with a through line of real life in every paragraph" Sometimes when I'm writing, I'm not sure why a certain story comes to mind and I write it down and sometimes they don't make the final cut, but sometimes, like with this piece, most of them did and I too love how it just wanders, but as Emily said, it's "Braided" together. I'm so glad you liked that last line. Working on that thing that Jeannine teaches of showing and then giving something beautiful and maybe surprising at the end. xoxox
You really stuck the landing!
Jocelyn, what a wonderful essay. As always in your writing, you take me on such a ride, such an enjoyable ride, where I know there will be a few twists and turns, always delightful and thought provoking and relatable, and then I will always be struck at the end as I sit back and say, Yes. There it is. This is what it is all about, it's not the clothes or glasses we wear, it's our ALIVENESS, our sexy belonging to ourselves, that not even a $4,000 dress can give us. Thank you for this. I especially related to you in that fitting room, noticing the new bulges. I am a 64 year old woman who this past weekend bought herself a sexy two piece bathing suit and I am far, FAR, from a Kate Moss size body. Whatever the opposite of that is, that's me. But I don't want to be. I love my curves. I love the sun-browned body, the strong legs, the arms that can reach up to the sky and say, Thank you for this day, thank you for this healthy body, this mind, this life. And yes, in my sky-blue bathing suit, men walking by gave me a second glance, a smile, a hello. Didn't matter in the least. I was strutting for ME. Nothing sexier than that, right?
Thank you so much Amy. This just made me feel so good, because that's why I do this thing, right? It's to connect and take others with me somewhere I'm going or trying to go and to know I get us all there is just magic to my heart! So thank you so much for your words. Our ALIVENESS is really it, isn't it? And YES YES YES to the bikini!!! Ohmygosh that just makes me sooooo happy to hear! I think all women should wear bikinis with love and joy for themselves. I haven't had a one-piece since I used to swim laps 20 years ago. I have four bikinis now and rotate through them in the summer (nobody likes a wet bathing suit) and I think they look phenomenal on every body! And woohoo to the strutting for yourself. There is _nothing_ sexier than that. Also, I think I may need to go get a sky-blue bathing suit now, ;) Where did you get yours? xoxox
Thanks for this wonderful reply, my friend. I got my suit from a store called Everything But Water and the designer is Jiaren, color Big Sur Bleu, www.eurodbeattie.com. Love their tagline: Green is the new bleu. Their suits are made sustainably.
You are so welcome, reading your comment was such joy!
And this just seems like kismet, since Big Sur is my heart home. ;) Thank you for the link, I love knowing they're sustainably made. Once I have a suit I commit and wear it until it's elastic gives out all over. 😉
Amy, I completely agree with you on the aboutness of Jocelyn’s essay “This is what it is all about, it's not the clothes or glasses we wear, it's our ALIVENESS, our sexy belonging to ourselves”. And as a 65 YO, I also relate to your musings about the love of your curves!
Hi Lisa! I love that word ALIVENESS from Amy too. It's so powerful.
Lisa I agree 💯 !
“Yes. There it is. This is what it is all about, it's not the clothes or glasses we wear, it's our ALIVENESS, our sexy belonging to ourselves, that not even a $4,000 dress can give us.” Nailed it, Amy! 🔨
Just yesterday I wore to work: a striped v-neck t-shirt and a pair of curdory shorts. With my signature Chaco sandals. As a health care professional, once a year or so I wear shorts to work. A long-time client took notice of my attire and said, "You look like you are dressed to go outside and play." Although I didn't like her pointing out my clothes, she meant it with endearment. And: she nailed it. That's who I am. That's how I like to dress. That is my version of that something intanglble that we are trying to access and express through our clothing and accessory choices. I *am* the girl, the woman, who feels best when she's dressed to go outside and play. Whether I am actually going outside or not. This is me. Thank you for speaking to this in your essay. I just loved it! It's a topic on every woman's mind, just about every time she gets dressed.
This is so spot on, Stephanie, "t's a topic on every woman's mind, just about every time she gets dressed." Even just going to the chiropractor's today, I was thinking, "Oh, I wore that last week, she's going to think it's all I wear." Seriously, she is not remembering or caring what the heck I wear to our sessions! But it's so ingrained. I remember kids would make so much fun of us girls if we wore the same thing twice in two weeks. But the boys could wear things over and over. At least that's my perception. I'd be curious to hear what dressing was like for boys. I'm guessing there are gradations and different experiences just like for women. And then of course if back in the day you didn't identity as either, or as something that wasn't what the world said you needed to be. That's a whole other topic.
And this, "Although I didn't like her pointing out my clothes, she meant it with endearment. And: she nailed it. That's who I am. That's how I like to dress. " Yes! I totally get that. It can feel so vulnerable when we're dressed fully as ourselves and someone points it out. Like they're really seeing us and it can be shocking. My go to outfit, the ratty jeans I talk about in this essay, and a tank or t, is just so me. (I'm wearing that exact outfit right now) I feel utterly myself, but I also feel like people will pigeonhole me because I also love high fashion. I think what I'm realizing is the chameleon like nature of how I dress, and how I want to be perceived. I'm learning to lean into not having to be just one thing. How freeing!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, it's giving me something to think about for the next essay in this series (which didn't start out as a series at all) about the vulnerability of dressing as our true selves. Wheee.
I love this, thank you so much Jocelyn! I've often thought about the folks that wear a 'uniform' like Steve Jobs did and realize that approach is not for me. I'm no fashion plate (haha, I live in a small mountain town so Blundstones are our footwear of choice and my favorite kind of shopping is at boutique consignments) but I enjoy getting dressed. As you said our clothes can be more than just something to wear, they can be an expression of what we are all about, and it often never feels quite right. I don't get the 4K$ price tag on something we could grab at the thrift store, that cash could be put to good use another way but again, it's never about the clothes!
The story about you and Russell was a wonderful snapshot of gorgeous humanity, I appreciate you sharing it and your glasses are totally fab. Keep on rocking them!
Oh Donna, you are so welcome! I think you hit on something really powerful about dressing. Like you said, I don't think it's necessarily (or always or ever) about being a fashion plate or looking good for others, because there is so much power in wearing purposeful clothing like mountain shoes or down jackets or whatever. Just yesterday I was in one of my outfits that makes me feel so me. And I say outfits loosely lol, I had on my same jeans as in this piece with the knees that are completely gone, a little baby doll tank that's loose and flowy and an off the shoulder sweatshirt. I've had the top and sweatshirt for probably 10 years and it's just a very Santa Cruz, CA kind of outfit. Very beachy, very pseudo-hippie and I felt so in my skin all day.
And I'm with you on consignment and vintage shopping -- LOVE it! There are so many clothes already out there. I also love a new dress now and again, but not The Row at 4k :)
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with clothes and for this, "wonderful snapshot of gorgeous humanity" that gave me chills in the best way. Thank you! 💖
p.s. rocking the glasses as I write this. ;)
So many thoughts I have!! Once again I’m SO honored to have prompted this string of *amazing* essays for you! I adore each one I read I literally am carried off in them like I am when reading a good book.
Also LOVE the new glasses!
This essay took me on a ride and felt so vulnerable in the dressing room, learning about changing bodies. I very intimately knew my mom’s body and I saw so much life on her’s, and then in hindsight I see how much whittled away as her disease progressed and took her.
It’s a journey of acceptance and most of all understanding as changes occur in our lives entirely. Body, mentally, emotionally, spiritually… Quite the journey!
I literally left your essay once I read about you questioning the glasses because they were so boldly different because it sparked something in ME to write about: being seen!
And then you wrapped me all up toward the end when talking about how magnetic we can be when we’re fully embracing our being. I’ve had that happen a couple of times when I was my most happiest, and that’s when people reached out to me. Wasn’t looking any particular way… I think my energy and love was full within life in those moments!
Things started clicking a bit around clothes too in your essay for me! I was just thinking about clothes and adorning myself (it’s still been a journey for me too!) and with your essay, it’s like… Clothes for some people can either continue the holistic goodness you seek to live out each day, or snag it.
They can also make you reflect and question yourself (“too bold, bright, extravagant”)… what makes this so uncomfy to wear public (specifically for me wearing brighter colors). That’s a whole pondering point within itself when getting out of your comfort zone with clothes!
But yes! Thank you for yet another essay on identity, style, and knowing yourself! This journey’s been fun and eye-opening for me as I continue navigating it all myself! The way I think and feel has changed A LOT since I first asked the question and now I wanna reflect on how and why it’s changed and what does it mean to care about feeling good in what I wear and how I chose to look!
Again, a LOVELY essay I enjoyed reading my (hopefully) last day of isolation with my first bout of Covid!
Hi Cierra! I swear I wrote back to you -- I can even remember what I said, but who knows maybe it was all in my head. So I'm sorry to keep you hanging for so long.
Thank you thank you for sharing that about your mom and watching her body over the course of her life and illness. Wow. How beautiful.
And thank you for this, "This essay took me on a ride and felt so vulnerable in the dressing room" I wondered if that was too intimate, but it felt necessary and I know every woman has been in that place, even young women, analyzing and critiquing our bodies in that awful light with bad mirrors.
THIS! "I literally left your essay once I read about you questioning the glasses because they were so boldly different because it sparked something in ME to write about: being seen!" WHEEEEE! That makes me so so so happy!
" I think my energy and love was full within life in those moments!" YES! when our energy and love is full is when we are so attractive - to everyone, not just romantically or physically, but energetically like you said. It feels wonderful to be that in our skin, doesn't it? And this, "continue the holistic goodness you seek to live out each day, or snag it." this sounds like the theme of an essay!
Oh, clothes with colors. Whew. that one is such a struggle for me. you've read about all the reasons and it's incredible to me that these days I feel so much more comfortable in colors and prints. I just got this fabulous jumpsuit, sleeveless with ruffles on the straps and big wide legs with a huge flower print all over it. It's so much fun to wear!
You are so so welcome. Than you right back! I love that your journey is evolving! Mine too!
xoxoxo
Now it's MY turn to apologize for the delay!
I'd LOVE to see that jumpsuit! It sounds gorgeous!!
I'm glad you wrote back when you did! It reminded me of so much I said and has slipped my mind overtime, and probably for the best cause life's been shaking me a little lately!
Now I get a chance to savor this comment and return to my excitement and all the quotes you pulled from our conversations! :D
So a serendipitous happening! Happened exactly how it needed to! :)
What a great piece! The notion of being informed by my future self, rather than my past self will atay with me. And I loved that last line. Way to bring it home. 💕♥️
Thank you Holly! That notion really got me too and it's been changing the way I think about things and the way I think about my energy. And thank you for saying that about the last line! I really liked it, but then I wondered if it was too much, or if it tied in enough, if it made sense, so I really appreciate you saying that! xoxox
What a great piece, I loved the whole vibe. And I loved that you took Russell's compliments with panache and a smile. Oh, and I love your 'specs. There is nothing like a pair of unusual glasses to make you feel sassy and alive. My current pairs are black with a yellow bridge and arms, and a pair of cerise frames with a black leopard print. Good for you for making peace with your body!
Hi June, thank you! I loved the vibe too, like Emily mentioned it felt more playful and fun. And I love her wording, "Shy contagious joy". And thank you!! I adore them now too. They feel very me and I wear them all the time and just feel so put together even if I'm in my sloppy jeans. I think that's a sign of wearing something because it feels authentic to my inner space, rather than wearing something for others. What do you think?
First I died - who is wearing that dress?!?! Love the glasses. They are a 100% yes. I can picture your outfit when you went out with the ladies. Working on the courage to start writing.
Right??!! Srsly, WHO? I mean a lot of their stuff is just basic and clean lines, but this is, I don't even know. And yay! I love them too. "100% yes"! Oooooh, I'm thrilled you could picture that outfit. It was one of my faves, but sooo not bougie bar attire (we went to the Proper) which maybe made me like it even more. ;) And oh I love that your working on the courage to write. Sometimes it takes a lot. I've been writing for myself for decades and it felt so big to put it out in the world, but then it just started to feel...vital. xoxoxo
Smokin’ hot writing, Jocelyn! I love the flow of this piece and your journey towards self-acceptance. It feels loose and rambling and also so on point. Like your big round audacious entirely you glasses. I relate to the moments you describe here and wish I could pick up the phone like we would’ve in the 90s and talk to you about all this stuff for hours. This feels kindred: "Once we start pulling our thoughts and our energy from our future selves, our wise selves, and stop pulling our energy from the past, from our trauma, from a place of protection, we start to be free." As does this: the “The subject of Botox came up and I was the only one who didn't have anything to contribute except my lined forehead.” Lol same. And now I think of the McDonalds moment - “I think he thought my entire being was beautiful.” - and Russell’s appreciation of your natural, relaxed inner and outer style, and I wonder: is all the Botoxing and tight dresses and pursuit of skinny really for the male gaze? Or is it for a female gaze pressurized by the beauty/fashion/magazine/Instagram/entertainment industry that gaslights us into telling us it’s for the men? It feels dangerous to even think this, let alone say it out loud. All of which is to say you moved me and got me thinking—the mark of a great piece! Thank you.
I truly love how playful y'all are being with the "Smokin’ hot " line. I almost left it out because it's so... juvenile? on the edge of crass? But it was also kind of funny in it's own right. And he was one of those guys who managed to be a little forward without being scary.
I love this, "It feels loose and rambling and also so on point" I'm so glad it felt that way to so many readers because sometimes it's hard, since I know all the background, to know if I've woven it all together well enough that it isn't just all over the place. period. :)
"wish I could pick up the phone like we would’ve in the 90s and talk to you about all this stuff for hours. " YESSSSS!!
And THANK YOU for saying the dangerous thing. I wonder the same and steer away from writing pointedly on the subject, but I think you're onto something and I think it's complicated and layered and deeply ingrained in so so so much of the patriarchal capitalist world we live in.
I just watched "Good Luck to You, Leo Grande" with Emma Thompson and holy shit, it's incredible. Uncomfortable sometimes (I think in a good way) but a beautiful look at an older woman and her relationship with her body. The end is a stunner.
In talking about the movie, Thompson said this, "“We’re not good at accepting our bodies, particularly women whose status is related to body image.” and it really stuck with me. It's so true that our status is directly related to body image - until we decide it isn't and then there are still consequences to that, right?
I feel like you and I could talk a lot about this! Maybe there's an essay here for both of us to write.
And this made me feel so good, "All of which is to say you moved me and got me thinking—the mark of a great piece! Thank you." You are so so so welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read and to do a close read and to share what you were thinking and feeling here-- especially the scary bits. That means more to me than I can really say. ❤️🙏
As for writing together, I’m so honored that you would even think of a collaboration! I’ve never done one before. I’m deep in another project rn but I’ll definitely keep it in mind!
And as for the dangerous thing, thank you for catching what i said and receiving it in the spirit with which it was intended. I forgot I put that Emma Thompson movie on my to watch list. I’m going to watch it soon!
I love that you read that as an invitation for collaboration, because I was thinking of each of us writing an essay on our own and then I realized it could be taken as a collaboration invitation and so I left it open to interpretation. So since you read it as collab, I think we just let the idea be there and percolate. ❤️ I do believe in kismet and synchronicities. xoxox
Oh ha ha another example of the magic of leaving things open to interpretation. Now I see I was a bit presumptuous 🙈 But I love the idea of each writing our own essays, and also staying open to collaborating someday. The best and/both situation. And I 100% believe in kismet and synchronicity 💕
So the smokin’ hot - I’m so glad you shared you almost pulled it out. And I’m even gladder you took the risk and inspired us to do the same.
Let me see if I can explain why it works for me. First, as Jeannine would say, it’s super voicy."Listen, you gotta give me your number. You are just smokin' hot." Instantly I picture the character - his truck, and also things you don’t mention: his clothes, his face, his physique. All in two tiny sentences that reveals his character. Especially because he says it after he appraised your wedding ring, which suggests a certain assholery. But then he says it’s wonderful you’re so happily married, which suggests an acceptance. So he’s complex. Human. Just spectacular dialogue.
Then you put it context by really making something of this moment when you muse about what he found attractive. Then you nail the meaning: “I think he thought my entire being was beautiful.” For me, this is the crescendo of the essay.
Oooooh Monika, I just got chills! Wheeee! I feel so seen by your wonderful, inciteful, thoughtful close read. It's so funny as a writer, there's this magic happening, right, where we're just in it, and then we're revising and, because of Jeannine, my body knows the experience and I'm not just all up in my head and so things like what you describe can happen without me _thinking_ about all that context and subtext and everything you mentioned, but I'm working at showing it, right, without telling it and I think it's just freaking MAGIC! Because I also thought, hmmm, I should describe his truck (you probably know this in your head, but it was big, black, lifted,) or his face or whatever. But I'm so so so thrilled that the dialogue and how I managed to put that scene together did the work I wanted it to do!
I haven't heard Jeannine say voicy - but that's IT. Omg, it's cringey isn't it? And had he said anything else, it wouldn't have shown his assholery (i adore this word you made). And the thing I'm learning from this group is that I don't need to put in the whole conversation. There was more said that just wasn't important to the essay, right? And before, I probably would have put much more in (no restraint) and that would have weakened the voicyness.
I am so so grateful for the close read! xoxox
Wheeeee! 🤸🏼♀️ 🤸🏼♀️ 🤸🏼♀️ I’m grateful you love talking about this! It’s teaching me a lot about showing just enough so thank you for this!
The beauty of what you did with the dialogue + “big truck” is that you showed just enough and still left enough to the reader’s imagination. I would’ve been tempted to show too much and wrangle the reader into imagining - a “black lifted [insert make of truck]”. Instead I had the pleasure of imagining something different: a big red diesel-y Dodge Ram. I have no idea why. But it felt… effortless. I used to wonder what “trust the reader” meant and now I feel like I’m closer to understanding it, so thank you!
I heard assholery all over a podcast recently! Sadly I can’t remember which one. But I quickly googled it and it’s defined in the wiktionary and urban dictionary as “the behaviour characteristic of an asshole” 😂
And yes, Jeannine’s voicy and voiciness are Chef’s kiss. Mwah! 😘
Ooooo thank you for this juicy reply! I need to take care of a few things tonight - but I’m absorbing it and I’ll be back!! 💕
Loved your thoughts, Jocelyn. Loved our line: no one can know the entire music of life by reading the sheets.... so true. We have to play it to know it:)) Love your glasses, by the way:) Love
Oh thank you Ansua, thank you. I loved that line and you know, sometimes they don't work and I wasn't sure, but it seemed to work. So I deeply appreciate you reading and taking a moment to comment on that. And yay! The glasses are a definite hit. I wonder if I could get them in RED? That would be next level. 😂❤️🙏
Well this was so lovely, Jocelyn. I may be a tad biased but I think your glasses are super smokin’ hot. But the light inside of you that shines through your writing here— the playfulness, the curiosity, the shy contagious joy? That is beauty and I bet it shows in your strut, and your smile. And those kick ass glasses, of course.