This is a beautiful post that echoes my own heart, a heart that is frightened of the future (and I'm not American), a heart that sometimes seems to feel pain from across the globe and, as you said Jocelyn, a heart that is exhausted from holding on to hope. But I must keep holding and essays like this make it easier.
Being a chiropractor I love that you have a chiropractic energy healer! Lastly, when I first saw the picture of your pool my initial thought was, "she must have a lot of parties, that is a lot of chairs"! What a gorgeous community pool.
That made me chuckle out loud, that I must have a lot of parties for all those chairs. ;)
I am so so so glad, I can hardly tell you how glad, that this essay made holding hope a little easier. That is why I'm here and why I write and share things. Because sometimes I read something from someone else, when I most needed it, and it changed my life. Maybe not a lot, but just a little and I want to be able to bring that kind of healing into the world. Just one little bit, one heart, one moment at a time.
Sending your exhausted heart a big hug from my exhausted heart. That feels better already.
Oh Jeannie, that's a lovely thing to say. Thank you! I used to do titles differently and then I noticed how Jeannine over in Writing in the Dark does them and I took a page from her book. xoxo
Thank you, Sarah. And thank you for sharing how that line worked for you! I wondered about the word gory. It was jarring, but in a way that I liked. And those two words feel like opposite ends of a spectrum and I liked that too. xoxo
Hey Jocelyn, Would it be okay if I use "gory ecstatic complexity" on a visual art piece I'm creating? I'm not 100% sure the words will end up on the canvas (but at they very least they are certainly in my mind as I'm contemplating it.) I have a trio of canvases that are telling a story. I completed the first in 2016, the second in 2018 and the other has sat patiently waiting and I'm finally hearing the call. If I ever get my sh** together they might show up as a picture on a substack, but I'd be sure to link to you :). Otherwise they only place they will live is my wall :)
I think that's what made it stand out - it is jarring, and I think you are correct, I don't think people would expect to see gory and ecstatic together - but it works beautifully!
I read a letter of yours on Letters from Love and was so moved, so I wandered over to your Substack. I’m so happy I did, because I was rewarded with this beautiful article. What a lovely piece. Hello!
Hello Priscilla! I saw your other comment first and just responded, but I'd guessed you found it from LFL. I am so glad you wandered over and found some things that resonated. Thank you for your kind words. And I see you just subscribed! Today is the day I publish, so you'll have something new in your inbox later today. I'm so glad you're here with us. ❤️
“If these are to be the good days, they must be the ones in which we find ways to connect in spite of the larger world, the ones in which we narrow our focus back to what is right in front of us, another human heart with just as much capacity for joy and love and hurt and healing as our own.”
Oh this resonates. It’s a theme that came up for me in my letter from love this morning, which I’m determined to share with the Lovelets today, even though for the last few months I’ve been struck by an acute—and maybe or maybe not chronic—case of stage fright.
Because YES, we are the water. And when the drops come together, we are the puddles, the pools, the lakes. We are the source for the fire hose.
Ooooh, the puddles, the pools, the lakes! oh how I love this Monika! Now I have to go over to LFL and see if you shared! And I'm sorry about the stage fright. It's okay not to share, sometimes holding our vulnerability close is what we need. ❤️❤️❤️
Oh my gosh, of course you're a White Stripes fan! Jack and Meg were such a dynamic duo together. I loved this line of yours: "the rest of the world is still on fire and there are not enough planes or fire retardant to put it out. But maybe, just maybe we are the water." Yes we are. One heart at a time. This is such a mantra and it's so difficult to remember that maybe the overwhelm of it all is too much to handle as a whole, but one heart at a time...? This is a wonderful piece, thank you Friend.
I KNOW I wrote back to this comment last week. And it just showed up again in my notifications again today and then with no response. So odd. Anywho, Yes! The White Stripes! They were so good.
I keep thinking about the ideas in this piece, as we get closer and closer to the election, and it feels like our very existence hinges on who wins. But it doesn't, does it? It hinges on love and community and holding each other up through hard times, the worst of times and also the beautiful times - because, these are the good times. And now I see it a different way too, that these are the good times to love more. That the love is what makes the times good, or okay or bearable or even promising. Because even in a world led by people who hate, there is still the option to love.
Just like you said, Friend, even if the whole is too much to handle, just one heart at a time...that's always possible. So much love to you.
That’s something I’ve thought about for a long time and continue to ponder. Back in 2016 I asked myself, does the election define who I am and how I will treat others…No… and the answer is the same today. Love is always the motivator no matter what.💪❤️
Back in 2016, I was devastated. And I've learned so much since then about myself and being able to choose exactly what you said, the external world does not define us and how we get to act towards ourselves and others. I may feel relieved or devastated again in a couple of weeks, but I still have love. No matter what. 🙏❤️
Oh an oval communal pool, what a joy! I love that your overlap with Scott was slightly awkward (ha this is so me, like don’t talk to me too much!) but it brought about this beautiful essay, such an enjoyable read x
Jocelyn, immediately after reading your essay, I felt calm, refreshed despite the existential anxiety, the trepidation that looms over our country, our world. (I feel it too, how can we not?!) Your description of your community pool, the oval, the balm and its surroundings of the “sloping hill with grass, two big oaks, two bigger sycamores, Italian cypress” allowed me to exhale. And those dried leaves and beachballs floating! For me, floating in a pool and floating in life is what grounds me. A paradox. I might have shared this with you before but I find the more tightly I hold on, the more I stress. When I ease my grip (and heaven forbid I let go!), I create just enough space to relax. You are 1000% right with this “What I do know is that it is up to me to decide whether these are the good days or the bad days, knowing they are the only days I have.” And your beautiful near wordless afternoon with Scott – so tender, so human, so necessary especially now. I really appreciate your words here “Perhaps this is the way we come back from this. Small steps of communion over things we love, one stranger to another, sharing simple joy, simple rest, perhaps loss and grief too. Noticing our similarities, that we are all experiencing the human condition, in all its gory and ecstatic complexity.” Thank you, Jocelyn.
Oh this makes me feel sooooo good. That's exactly what I wanted. Just a little bit of calm. Do you remember Noxema from the 80s? My mom would put it on my sunburn and immediately the coolness would take the sting away.
the oval of the pool - I didn't realize what a soothing word and shape it is, until you and others commented on it. but it is, isn't it, no hard stops, no end, smooth edges everywhere.
"allowed me to exhale" ohmygosh that is just so wonderful.
I think I've shared this somewhere else, but my mom told me that my grandma once told her, to float when she was feeling worried or anxious. she said you can't drown when you're floating. I love that so much.
and yes! to releasing just a little. yes yes yes. I know this to be true, (heaven forbid we let go!) and yet, I forget, my body forgets and I have to remind it. I think that's part of what swimming and floating is, a letting go. I've never thought of it that way before - thank you!!
Isn't sharing space with someone, comfortably, in silence, just amazing? It's so sacred somehow. Maybe in the silence, our souls can commune better, without our minds getting in the way. I just thought of that. What do you think?
Thank you so much for such a lovely close read, Lisa, and for sharing your experiences with me/us! ❤️❤️❤️
I DO remember Noxema as well as silver aluminum covered cardboard light reflectors and baby oil! No worry about skin cancer back in the seventies!!!! Love what your grandma told your mom "to float when she was feeling worried or anxious. she said you can't drown when you're floating" so true! On silence, not only is it golden (as we were taught as kids) but with enacted, like you, I think it its does do soul work! Here's to finding a sliver of time to float in silence today XO
What a thought: maybe we are the water when the world is on fire! Yes, maybe we are. I love that thought. Your words and this post were like a drink of cool water, or like the healing feeling I get from being in the water, and I’m not even a swimmer. I found myself wishing I lived in a place where I could go to such a place each day to get in the water to move my body, or just to sit next to on days when I want to write or think. We don’t have many places like this in Colorado, but if we did, I’d be there. The water is so healing, and right now we do need refreshing words for our dried up hearts and souls when the world really does feel like it is on fire. Thank you for this. All of it.
Also, I never had heard of that song before, or heard the words but I had to chuckle out loud when I read the part about being disappointed about not get a lock of the celebrity’s hair. Isn’t that just how we are???
Also, I do think we will heal and will bring healing to others in these times if we stay away from people and communities where others fan the fires to make them all the more consuming, and if we find ourselves there, we must find the courage to try to use our water (metaphorically speaking) to put out the flames. To move forward after these divisive times, it will take creating safe and healing places and places where we can build community, I believe.
Sally, such a gorgeous comment. Thank you so much. I am so glad it resonated the way it did. That's what I hoped. I didn't really intent the water metaphor at first, it happened as I wrote, as it does. I wish you had water too! It really is a balm for me. I don't even have to get in for long, and it just resets me, on a cellular level. I think it was Emily Conway who mentioned that in my post about swimming in Tahoe.
This, "we do need refreshing words for our dried up hearts and souls" yes! I think we are dried up. I wrote something about our parents being parched for love last week and I think we ALL are right now, just parched and on fire, needing more love and more peace.
That song just nails it, doesn't it? I remember the first time I really listened to the words and I though, oh yeah, just like you said, we just want a little more and little more. I think of that sometimes when I wish I were independently wealthy and then everything would be perfect (hahaha) and I realize that it still wouldn't be enough, there could always be the want for something I didn't have -- to fix the burning, right? Because our minds are always wanting to get away from the discomfort instead of just sitting with it.
yes to creating safe and healing spaces! I really think this is it, Sally. That we all need to do this for ourselves and as we do it for ourselves, others will benefit and then they will touch others, and on it goes. All that healing just spreading itself, like, well, wildfire. ;)
Thank you for all this! xoxoxo Big love and water vibes to you. ❤️🎈
This is a beautiful post that echoes my own heart, a heart that is frightened of the future (and I'm not American), a heart that sometimes seems to feel pain from across the globe and, as you said Jocelyn, a heart that is exhausted from holding on to hope. But I must keep holding and essays like this make it easier.
Being a chiropractor I love that you have a chiropractic energy healer! Lastly, when I first saw the picture of your pool my initial thought was, "she must have a lot of parties, that is a lot of chairs"! What a gorgeous community pool.
That made me chuckle out loud, that I must have a lot of parties for all those chairs. ;)
I am so so so glad, I can hardly tell you how glad, that this essay made holding hope a little easier. That is why I'm here and why I write and share things. Because sometimes I read something from someone else, when I most needed it, and it changed my life. Maybe not a lot, but just a little and I want to be able to bring that kind of healing into the world. Just one little bit, one heart, one moment at a time.
Sending your exhausted heart a big hug from my exhausted heart. That feels better already.
xoxoxo
xoxoxo
Your writing definitely makes a difference.
Your titles are deeply poetic @Jocelyn Lovelle
Oh Jeannie, that's a lovely thing to say. Thank you! I used to do titles differently and then I noticed how Jeannine over in Writing in the Dark does them and I took a page from her book. xoxo
Lovely @Jocelyn Lovelle . I look forward to seeing you on her comments section then!
This was beautiful Jocelyn. The line "experiencing the human condition, in all its gory and ecstatic complexity" really sings. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, Sarah. And thank you for sharing how that line worked for you! I wondered about the word gory. It was jarring, but in a way that I liked. And those two words feel like opposite ends of a spectrum and I liked that too. xoxo
Hey Jocelyn, Would it be okay if I use "gory ecstatic complexity" on a visual art piece I'm creating? I'm not 100% sure the words will end up on the canvas (but at they very least they are certainly in my mind as I'm contemplating it.) I have a trio of canvases that are telling a story. I completed the first in 2016, the second in 2018 and the other has sat patiently waiting and I'm finally hearing the call. If I ever get my sh** together they might show up as a picture on a substack, but I'd be sure to link to you :). Otherwise they only place they will live is my wall :)
I think that's what made it stand out - it is jarring, and I think you are correct, I don't think people would expect to see gory and ecstatic together - but it works beautifully!
I read a letter of yours on Letters from Love and was so moved, so I wandered over to your Substack. I’m so happy I did, because I was rewarded with this beautiful article. What a lovely piece. Hello!
Jocelyn, I’m so glad to be here! It’s so nice to connect, and I look forward to reading more of your work. ❤️
I look forward to seeing you more in the comments. Thank you for being and spending time here. xo
Hello Priscilla! I saw your other comment first and just responded, but I'd guessed you found it from LFL. I am so glad you wandered over and found some things that resonated. Thank you for your kind words. And I see you just subscribed! Today is the day I publish, so you'll have something new in your inbox later today. I'm so glad you're here with us. ❤️
“If these are to be the good days, they must be the ones in which we find ways to connect in spite of the larger world, the ones in which we narrow our focus back to what is right in front of us, another human heart with just as much capacity for joy and love and hurt and healing as our own.”
Oh this resonates. It’s a theme that came up for me in my letter from love this morning, which I’m determined to share with the Lovelets today, even though for the last few months I’ve been struck by an acute—and maybe or maybe not chronic—case of stage fright.
Because YES, we are the water. And when the drops come together, we are the puddles, the pools, the lakes. We are the source for the fire hose.
As are our votes! Every single drop. 🗳️♥️💦
Ooooh, the puddles, the pools, the lakes! oh how I love this Monika! Now I have to go over to LFL and see if you shared! And I'm sorry about the stage fright. It's okay not to share, sometimes holding our vulnerability close is what we need. ❤️❤️❤️
Oh my gosh, of course you're a White Stripes fan! Jack and Meg were such a dynamic duo together. I loved this line of yours: "the rest of the world is still on fire and there are not enough planes or fire retardant to put it out. But maybe, just maybe we are the water." Yes we are. One heart at a time. This is such a mantra and it's so difficult to remember that maybe the overwhelm of it all is too much to handle as a whole, but one heart at a time...? This is a wonderful piece, thank you Friend.
I KNOW I wrote back to this comment last week. And it just showed up again in my notifications again today and then with no response. So odd. Anywho, Yes! The White Stripes! They were so good.
I keep thinking about the ideas in this piece, as we get closer and closer to the election, and it feels like our very existence hinges on who wins. But it doesn't, does it? It hinges on love and community and holding each other up through hard times, the worst of times and also the beautiful times - because, these are the good times. And now I see it a different way too, that these are the good times to love more. That the love is what makes the times good, or okay or bearable or even promising. Because even in a world led by people who hate, there is still the option to love.
Just like you said, Friend, even if the whole is too much to handle, just one heart at a time...that's always possible. So much love to you.
That’s something I’ve thought about for a long time and continue to ponder. Back in 2016 I asked myself, does the election define who I am and how I will treat others…No… and the answer is the same today. Love is always the motivator no matter what.💪❤️
Back in 2016, I was devastated. And I've learned so much since then about myself and being able to choose exactly what you said, the external world does not define us and how we get to act towards ourselves and others. I may feel relieved or devastated again in a couple of weeks, but I still have love. No matter what. 🙏❤️
Oh an oval communal pool, what a joy! I love that your overlap with Scott was slightly awkward (ha this is so me, like don’t talk to me too much!) but it brought about this beautiful essay, such an enjoyable read x
Yes! That's exactly it! I like people, love them actually, and yet, "don't talk to me too much!"
It truly is such a joy. I just learned they close it at the end of this month, so I'm going to see if I can keep it open at least through November.
I'm so happy you enjoyed this one. xoxoxo
Jocelyn, immediately after reading your essay, I felt calm, refreshed despite the existential anxiety, the trepidation that looms over our country, our world. (I feel it too, how can we not?!) Your description of your community pool, the oval, the balm and its surroundings of the “sloping hill with grass, two big oaks, two bigger sycamores, Italian cypress” allowed me to exhale. And those dried leaves and beachballs floating! For me, floating in a pool and floating in life is what grounds me. A paradox. I might have shared this with you before but I find the more tightly I hold on, the more I stress. When I ease my grip (and heaven forbid I let go!), I create just enough space to relax. You are 1000% right with this “What I do know is that it is up to me to decide whether these are the good days or the bad days, knowing they are the only days I have.” And your beautiful near wordless afternoon with Scott – so tender, so human, so necessary especially now. I really appreciate your words here “Perhaps this is the way we come back from this. Small steps of communion over things we love, one stranger to another, sharing simple joy, simple rest, perhaps loss and grief too. Noticing our similarities, that we are all experiencing the human condition, in all its gory and ecstatic complexity.” Thank you, Jocelyn.
Oh this makes me feel sooooo good. That's exactly what I wanted. Just a little bit of calm. Do you remember Noxema from the 80s? My mom would put it on my sunburn and immediately the coolness would take the sting away.
the oval of the pool - I didn't realize what a soothing word and shape it is, until you and others commented on it. but it is, isn't it, no hard stops, no end, smooth edges everywhere.
"allowed me to exhale" ohmygosh that is just so wonderful.
I think I've shared this somewhere else, but my mom told me that my grandma once told her, to float when she was feeling worried or anxious. she said you can't drown when you're floating. I love that so much.
and yes! to releasing just a little. yes yes yes. I know this to be true, (heaven forbid we let go!) and yet, I forget, my body forgets and I have to remind it. I think that's part of what swimming and floating is, a letting go. I've never thought of it that way before - thank you!!
Isn't sharing space with someone, comfortably, in silence, just amazing? It's so sacred somehow. Maybe in the silence, our souls can commune better, without our minds getting in the way. I just thought of that. What do you think?
Thank you so much for such a lovely close read, Lisa, and for sharing your experiences with me/us! ❤️❤️❤️
I DO remember Noxema as well as silver aluminum covered cardboard light reflectors and baby oil! No worry about skin cancer back in the seventies!!!! Love what your grandma told your mom "to float when she was feeling worried or anxious. she said you can't drown when you're floating" so true! On silence, not only is it golden (as we were taught as kids) but with enacted, like you, I think it its does do soul work! Here's to finding a sliver of time to float in silence today XO
What a thought: maybe we are the water when the world is on fire! Yes, maybe we are. I love that thought. Your words and this post were like a drink of cool water, or like the healing feeling I get from being in the water, and I’m not even a swimmer. I found myself wishing I lived in a place where I could go to such a place each day to get in the water to move my body, or just to sit next to on days when I want to write or think. We don’t have many places like this in Colorado, but if we did, I’d be there. The water is so healing, and right now we do need refreshing words for our dried up hearts and souls when the world really does feel like it is on fire. Thank you for this. All of it.
Also, I never had heard of that song before, or heard the words but I had to chuckle out loud when I read the part about being disappointed about not get a lock of the celebrity’s hair. Isn’t that just how we are???
Also, I do think we will heal and will bring healing to others in these times if we stay away from people and communities where others fan the fires to make them all the more consuming, and if we find ourselves there, we must find the courage to try to use our water (metaphorically speaking) to put out the flames. To move forward after these divisive times, it will take creating safe and healing places and places where we can build community, I believe.
Thanks for this one, Jocelyn!
Sally, such a gorgeous comment. Thank you so much. I am so glad it resonated the way it did. That's what I hoped. I didn't really intent the water metaphor at first, it happened as I wrote, as it does. I wish you had water too! It really is a balm for me. I don't even have to get in for long, and it just resets me, on a cellular level. I think it was Emily Conway who mentioned that in my post about swimming in Tahoe.
This, "we do need refreshing words for our dried up hearts and souls" yes! I think we are dried up. I wrote something about our parents being parched for love last week and I think we ALL are right now, just parched and on fire, needing more love and more peace.
That song just nails it, doesn't it? I remember the first time I really listened to the words and I though, oh yeah, just like you said, we just want a little more and little more. I think of that sometimes when I wish I were independently wealthy and then everything would be perfect (hahaha) and I realize that it still wouldn't be enough, there could always be the want for something I didn't have -- to fix the burning, right? Because our minds are always wanting to get away from the discomfort instead of just sitting with it.
And yes, I agree about staying away from people/places/noise that fans the fire. My friend wrote a gorgeous piece on this subject earlier today: https://rootandriver.com/embracing-calm-rejecting-fear-alarm-and-panic/
yes to creating safe and healing spaces! I really think this is it, Sally. That we all need to do this for ourselves and as we do it for ourselves, others will benefit and then they will touch others, and on it goes. All that healing just spreading itself, like, well, wildfire. ;)
Thank you for all this! xoxoxo Big love and water vibes to you. ❤️🎈
Love your comments almost as much as the post because you always add so much more good stuff! I’ll check out the link. Thanks!
Awww, thank you! Yes, if you do read it and feel like it, let me know what you think. I thought it was so wise and the writing is so good!
xo